People talk a lot about closure and completion. They speak of moving on and letting go. The implication here, is that life is a series of short stories. In reality though, it is an intricately-woven novel. A carefully plotted blockbuster in which various threads recur – casting new light on old dramas, each time they do. All the world may well be a stage – and we may all well be players but our scripts come late. There is never enough time to rehearse. And we often find ourselves repeating lines that we have used many times before. Am I going to go round the same old treadmill once more without actually getting anywhere? Or am I going to make a big breakthrough? ...I guess I'll never know unless I let things happen....

People say we should always have positive expectations. But, for the sake of safety and sanity, we need a little cynicism and pessimism. We can't just assume, for example, that someone who has behaved atrociously will suddenly turn into a lovely person just because they say this is what they are intending to do. Nor, having just run a bath should we ever step confidently into it because we trust that it is going to be the perfect temperature. It is our ability to envisage a negative that stops us from being burned. I guess what I need to get my head around now is to "First run a test. Then get my hopes up!"

Some "new eras" begin with a whimper then leave you waiting so long for a bang that you begin to wonder if it will ever come. Others start with fanfares, raising expectations which are then not fulfilled for ages. Maybe today will be much like yesterday. Maybe tomorrow will be too.

God, they say in the Old Testament, made man in his own image. Let us hope that he did not also copy his own personality when he created the human race. For if God is as judgemental, narrow-minded, ignorant, arrogant, stupid and selfish as most people on this planet seem to be, then, Houston, we have a problem. Somewhere within we may all have the capacity to be loving, tolerant, kind, enlightened, wise and selfless, but we don't half hide it! Right now though, I am being given a chance to reveal my inner divinity! Oh yes...be scared....very scared!!!!

Psychologists call it 'displacement.' We feel frustrated about something serious but it seems we are unable to influence the situation. So we transfer our attention to something trivial and get angry about that instead.( Like I do now...with work and every small detail gets to me!) Or we create a fantasy realm; a jolly little bubble full of false priorities and warped perspectives. We kid ourselves that our world is the real world. It comes as something of a shock when we discover that it is not. I guess for some while it is a good attempt to avoid an awkward truth. Now, do I get to face it and discover that I have power over it? Or do I walk away on the account that I might have no power over it?

"Once bitten, twice shy." Through the over-enthusiastic use of this motto, millions have been persuaded to give up on goals or ideals that might have been very rewarding. Of course, if something poses us a big problem when we encounter it, we must be careful about how we approach it next time. But to give up and walk away from someone or something, just because we have experienced a little pain and inconvenience, is to be cowardly not clever. The question is..am I brave enough to try again? Would it work? So many if's and but's and maybe's...and only one "It may just work for me."!

They say, "Blessed are they who have no expectations, for they shall not be disappointed." It sounds profound until you realise the opposite is also true. "Cursed are they who fear disappointment, for they will never entertain a brave belief." Sometimes, you just have to go beyond your inhibitions. You have to take a leap of faith. At such times, one is entitled to assume that the universe will grant some protection. But not quite sure precisely what kind!

Sometimes, you can be your own worst enemy. And sometimes, you can be your very best friend. The problem here, is that I can't always tell which part me is acting out at any particular point. My tone of voice doesn't change, nor does my demeanour. So how am I supposed to know whether it is safe to take my own advice!? Nor, of course, can I just ask someone else for their opinion, they may well be biased. Any suggestion? No matter how I feel, whether most strongly and passionately now, shall I trust it? One way in which I can always do myself a very big favour, is to avoid doubting me unnecessarily...but does that apply here? Is it relevant...shall I let things just take their natural flow...or shall I step back in fear as I always do and let this pass by too?

I may make you wonder, I may make you smile

I may bring the tears to your eyes

But when I disappear, god , you’ll wish I was here

With my

Lullaby’s legends and...

So open the bottle and pass the guitar

And look in my warm loving eyes

I’ll take you to places you aint been before

With my lullabies

Legends

And l

Lies

Where's the pause button? Surely, there must be one somewhere. Can life really be this relentless? One thing after another, day after day, after day? Where's the rewind?Where's the fast-forward? Why do we seem to have so little control over the pace and passage of time? Much though I might like to,I can't now put a particular process in the deep freeze. Nor can I speed it up or slow it down. But I do have one rather wonderful option. I can learn to live with things just the way they are, As they change, I can change. As they don't, I can accept. I can learn to be happy with things the way there are...

Do any of us really know ourselves? For a while, of course, we think we do. But then something will happen. Our circumstances will change and we will realise that there are aspects of our own personality that we never knew existed. Sometimes, we will discover talents that we never knew we had. Sometimes, we will encounter fears that we had previously been unaware of. If we can surprise ourselves, it is no wonder that others can also surprise us. I am now starting to see a certain person in a new light. Whether it proves a highly inspiring discovery I don't know!

Goldfish, we are told, have a very short memory span. That's how they can cope with being cooped up in a tiny tank. It's a nice idea but it doesn't explain why koi carp, in more natural circumstances, can find their way to and from locations many miles apart. The notion of such speedy forgetfulness is probably wishful thinking. How great it would be if only we could blot out awkward memories of the past! I am not asking for a chance to wipe the slate clean and begin again. I do, though, ask for the ability to look at what's on that slate from a different perspective.

Only in history books do new eras dawn on particular days. In reality, they gradually make their presence felt. We can point back to a drama or a crisis and say, “This was the turning point.” But at the time it is happening, there is always a degree of overlap. The past does not conveniently get out of the future's way. The old tries to mix and merge with the new. To the casual observer or even to the eye of the person with a strong vested interest, it can be hard to see whether an innovation is just a flash in the pan or a true sign of things to come. I can't decide what I really feel or think about recent intense developments. But that’s probably because a trend is not yet well established. Maybe I should give it more time.

I looked back at the years that have passed...and today...

June 9th 1988 First time I thought I fell in love
June 9th 1989 moved to a new country...not just a new school
June 9th 1993 High School Graduation
June 9th 1999 University Graduation,
Those 3 little words that say more than a picture ( I love u!)
June 9th 2000 His Graduation
June 9th 2001 Closed a big chapter of my life...end of an era perhaps

Today June 9th 2003, the UK is going to join the Euro or maybe Not, and I guess that is the only important thing that could mark this day...because I am planning to close the thought of the importance of this day!! Some things need to be erased...Some people too!