Sense...I want the world to make more sense...But I may as well wish for a cow that recites Shakespeare or a flower that can dance... Cows deliver milk, not messages. Flowers bloom, but they just don't boogie...ya ya I know all that....and I also know that there are things In this universe that it's just not reasonable to expect, and a reasonable universe is one of those things and the best one can hope for is a life that makes some kind of sense, some of the time...There's absolutely no sense in striving for more sense than that! What's happening now is pretty crazy ...

I was thinking about a conversation I had with a friend while back....and the definition of happiness...tonight I thought to myself perhaps there is only one true state of happiness, though we can approach it via many roads. Some are deceptive; they look from a distance as if they will take us directly to that place yet they meander dreadfully. Others are less obviously signposted yet they provide a quick, simple journey to that special destination. Then there are the ones that purport to offer a highway to joy yet which actually lead away from it. Some may argue that ....Happiness, is always nearer and easier to get to than we think. And it is a place that nobody, ever, is obliged to leave!
But I gave it a try....Two steps forward, one step back. It's a frustrating way to make progress but it's a wonderful way to dance....and I certainly am not in the mood to dance...perhaps I need to see myself less as a driver, trying to steer the vehicle towards some vital destination and more as a passenger with a ticket to ride on a glorious magical mystery tour ( so much for glorious though!!! as if!)...Somewhere in the back of my mind, there's an ideal vision of how things should be. This attractive image is both unrealistic and insidious. Each time I compare my actual life to the golden dream, I feel somehow inadequate....perhaps that is where the problem lies... all I actually now need to do is stop setting myself such artificially high standards.... and don't pollute the positivity and purity by mixing it up with an empty fantasy.....but who is to say it is a fantasy?