When a key has a label attached to it, we can instantly tell how useful it may be to us. “Aha,” we say to ourselves, “that opens THIS door. Now I know where to keep it and when to use it.” In every home though, there’s a drawer somewhere containing unlabelled, unrecognised keys. We don’t throw them out in case they prove useful. Nor, though, do we ever bother to experiment with them... until we come across something that needs unlocking. For keys, read answers. For doors, read problems. For drawer read ‘back of your mind’.

I listened...and I looked deep in the eyes that contradicted what was being said...then in a mare moment... I realised I don't need to say anything...infact I no longer wanted to say anything...didn't want to shout, didn't want to make a point...didn't want to shed a tear for my own comforts sake...I couldn't even if I wanted to...it was as though my tears have dried up...It was as if I was going through that drawer in the back of mind...which was saying reserved for pointless arguments...put me in here right in the back...and lock me up once and for all!

So I did...and as I was throwing the key away behind me I felt that sharp pain, deep in my heart, closed my eyes and wished for erasing this moment of that part of the brain that archives everything!!! Hoping to loose the archive tape too!

God, they say in the Old Testament, made man in his own image. Let us hope that he did not also copy his own personality when he created the human race. For if God is as judgemental, narrow-minded, ignorant, arrogant, stupid and selfish as most people on this planet seem to be, then, Houston, we have a problem. Somewhere within we may all have the capacity to be loving, tolerant, kind, enlightened, wise and selfless, but we don’t half hide it! He also gave us selective memory, which without; few of us would get very far. We all subconsciously bury painful or embarrassing experiences. Every so often, though, events in daily life require us to dredge up these old wrecks from the bottom of our emotional ocean. With a sense of resentment, at best - or real anger, at worst - we set out to remember a day we might prefer to forget.

My situation, may well be producing just such a vivid reminder of yesterday. But hey everyone tells me to be optimistic, someone even said “perhaps this experience could yet reveal something well worth retrieving” ….blah blah blah….

Deep within the heart of every human being is a humble, simple soul. For all our sophistication, complexity and pride, we simply want to lead a happy, meaningful life. Our heart wants to feel safe; comfortable, comforted and content. That’s not some impossible, unattainable dream. It’s perfectly feasible to enjoy a life that contains very little stress and a great deal of joy. All it requires is perhaps a willingness to stop trying to rule a certain sector of the world. Maybe relax a little. Then relax a little more. If at all possible, go back to bed. According to one of my dear friends, “failing that, just don’t bother waking up too much. Avoid coffee. Drink camomile tea” .....I gave it a go...but had to wake up!


I need a boost, a break and a better way of leading life. Whilst I think I have been coping pretty well, I am now running out of cheerful, hopeful energy. What I want is for things to come more easily, for solutions to turn up more quickly and convincingly and for relationships to be less of a mixed blessing. Is that too much to ask for? Why should it be? If I don’t think an improvement is possible, then I must think again, as life will be so meaningless that way. I certainly deserve a treat…and it better come my way anytime soon…can’t live on camomile tea for ever you know…..Hello….anyone up there ? if you are listening…..I want my break…and cut this camomile tea crap!

All I have to do, if I want a certain process to stop at any moment, is to say ‘enough’. That magic word will almost instantly end the ride, the journey, the process or the problem. I am really not obliged to take more than I can cope with. I don’t have to go through any kind of endurance test. There has always been a part of me that feels it must put up with whatever the world is putting me through. Not so anymore. From now on the moment I feel inclined to assert my authority over a particular situation, I will do it . If the world is truly my oyster as people keep telling me, then I can be free to do whatever I want and whatever that makes me feel good, even if it is breaking someone's neck! Or screaming! Or kicking the bucket a few times...or sack a few people at work!! ( Perhasp the last one is a bit extreme!)...
Just a thought, but if as they say the world is infact my Oyster...then where the hell’s the pearl? Perhaps it is more accurate to view the world as my oyster farm, populated with molluscs in various stages of development. Some do, indeed, contain pearls but for various reasons, I feel more inclined to gaze longingly at the ones which are not yet ready. I want (or at least I think I want) a very particular pearl. Maybe in time, I can have it. Right now though, if I look in the right place, I can claim a whole string of other, no less wonderful prizes as long as I am not overly particular about it!...ya so they keep saying too...'Don't be Particular' about it!

I am beginning to feel thoroughly fed up with a particular person and a certain situation. I keep wondering what kind of a mistake I have made. In fact, I have nothing to regret, apologise for or 'undo'. All that's needed is an even more enthusiastic attitude on my part. Surely, there is a way to take a tough scenario and turn it into a source of pleasure and satisfaction. It involves storming ahead with energy, belief and commitment " regardless of how much cynicism, doubt or negativity surrounds it' or indeed, emanates from within my own mind. Shall I just ignore it all now? But that is what I always do...shall I run again? Shall I turn away and walk off? It seemed so easy before...but there is something strangely unknown and unfamiliar about this scenario this time...

Perhaps, It is time to redefine a role, rewrite a rule and give the heave-ho to a habit. For some while, I have been gazing wistfully into space saying: 'One day, I will change Factor X or solve Problem Y.' Each time I take a few tentative steps in this direction I get a sharp reminder of the reason why it is not so easy. Chastened, I step back again. There may never though, come a point where it's totally simple and easy. Sooner or later, I am going to have to summon some real willpower and determination.

Why wait till later? Sooner has arrived. If I seize this moment, perhaps I won't require another!!

There are points that need to be made, issues that ought to be discussed and matters that can no longer be ignored. The temptation is to wait until someone else says or does something. That though, merely gives away an advantage. But i guess I should be the one to take the bull by the horn and have the courage to open a conversational can of worms. There will, I can fairly safely bet, be an awkward moment when this first happens but it will be followed by a moment of much greater understanding, concord and communication. I don't normally away from what I know I must march bravely towards...but there is this strange heavy thing deep in my heart that is not letting me take a step.....

Why are we all so keen, so often, to get away from it all? What makes us feel that a change of scenery will heal or change something? Is it because, when we are outside our usual environment, we say and do things that at home we don't dare to? What I really want to make contact with now is my strength; the ability to be more resourceful, confident, and successful. Perhaps all this requires is a clear decision to stop following habit patterns which have been founded on false fear. I know I don't need to go anywhere different. I just need to see the current situation with fresh eyes. blah blah blah....