A rolling stone gathers no moss. A rolling snowball however, is another matter entirely. Roll a stone long enough and you will gradually wear it down. Roll a snowball and you will build it up, increasing its ability to resist a rise of temperature. So let's look at the desire, which, I feel, I do not stand a snowball's chance in hell of ever fulfilling. Stay where I am and all my hopes will turn to stone. Keep moving along though, and I never know what process I may be able to set rolling. As it appears and we all know all the debate and discussion in the world won't make a difference to my current need. I can try to understand it, I can contemplate the best way to address it or I can search for insights and indications. Ultimately though, it looks as though I am dealing with something that needs to be felt, not thought about, accepted not analysed, decided not dissected. Deep down, I already know that the only way to proceed is to stop wondering about how to proceed and instead, to simply proceed! Perhaps, the more I march ahead with confidence now, the more the right road will open up before me… (Notice the touch of optimism? umm...what have you people done to me!! :p )

When people asked me what I want out of life, I always used to take a few minute and re-run the tape of all the things I wanted in my head before I replied...when a friend asked me last night what I want out life, the impulse response was 'a normal life'!...when faced with her perplex reflection...I added...'something normal'...she still looked at me and raised an eyebrow. She then gave me a lecture on how disappointed she is with that response from someone like me...her argument to the subject of course is very valid...how do you define normal? How do you quantify things as normal?...what I call normal isn't necessary the norm to someone else perhaps I agree...but in the risk of repeating myself...I say once more...All I want...is Normal!...Whatever way you want to interpret or define it.

What difference can any of us really make to the state of the world? How, as helpless individuals, can we make any impact on all that harshness, darkness and heartlessness?

Some people truly enjoy being pessimistic...(i.e. Yours truely) Cynicism makes them smile. Gloom gives them a glow. They get a buzz out of the blues. A hit of hopelessness. This is perfectly acceptable. It's a free world, we are not all obliged to be optimists. We are perfectly entitled to take our pleasure wherever we can find it - as long as it does no harm to others. Mind you, there are some who might argue that negativity is harmful in the extreme; addictive, contagious and, once embraced, extremely difficult to abandon. Perhaps I should stop it and don't succumb to an unnecessary antisocial temptation today.

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. That's what many people fervently believe. They feel that just as all coins have two sides, so all situations have their pros and cons. What's good in one way will be bad in another. Are they right? Who can say. It is, though, very hard to imagine how the current conjunction of events in my life can have a significant downside. Maybe it is a heavenly gift; bountiful blessings from a benign cosmos. It may be a little overly-poetic, Or it could all be an understatement.

In the republic of the visually challenged, the partially sighted person is president. I have had to update this phrase, it use to read; "In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed man is King." This was a lot more succinct but not very politically correct. Yet the meaning is as apposite as ever. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. Powerful people rarely turn out to be any wiser, saner or more sensible than the rest of us. Now let's look at my power. Am I being truly fair? In attempting to defend myself, from a perceived threat, might I actually be creating an even bigger menace or potential problem? Perhaps I either need to understand much more - or to ignore much more!

Some people believe that attack is the best form of defence. The same sort of people tend to think that if you spare the rod, you will spoil the child - or that immigrants are aliens and enemies who sap the resources of the state and undermine the fabric of society. People with such aggressive prejudices are to be pitied. But deep down, within us all, no matter how wise, kind, intelligent and tolerant we may be, there's an angry bigot waiting for a chance to justify ignorant behaviour. Don't get me wrong I am not implying that I now might intensely dislike something or someone... The opprobrium I feel here seem like as if it is robbing me of my most precious possession; perspective.

Home..sweet home....

Expectation is a tiresome thing...because you always end up getting confused or disappointed... like you would expect to see french people in Paris but Aue Contrair you see everyone but them...this bloody french keyboard...I dont think I can make my point before my internet connection thing runs out...so I will tell you the rest later....when i get back home....