Why do we need enemies? Perhaps we don't. Perhaps it is quite sufficient merely to have a particular type of friend! Some people, through kindness or innocence, can create drama by the bucketful. They can also generate plenty of difficulty and leave us feeling extremely challenged. When we have such friends, we, may not be particularly likely to enjoy an easy life but it is less likely that we will have a lot of opponents. Aggressive conflict only tends to come to folk whose regular companions don't question them enough. There's little chance of that now! Someone in my world is taking a lot of energy and concentration. It seems like a drama that continues to intensify this week but I have a feeling its ultimate outcome will be beneficial to all. I tend to ignore it and just focus on one particular aspect at the moment that has taken over my mind at the moment...maybe I will stop planning ahead and just enjoy the day too!

Leili said something interesting today...after the trail of text messages of which I could hardly get my head around, as I was in a complete different universe today, I guess the bulk of the matter was that : "you only feel alone when you are not there for your self!"....

They say, "You can't judge a book by looking at its cover." But as a matter of fact, these days, you can. Book-jacket designers everywhere strive tirelessly to assure an instant, accurate association, between the images on the front and the words within. Books we can consider quite safe to purchase on a whim at the checkout, but we would be pretty silly to consider that people are quite so transparent. We can't judge a soul by the body it happens to be living in. We can't judge the kindness of the heart from the sharpness of the intellect. Perhaps it is wrong of me to make assumptions, perhaps I should make inquiries instead. If I don't actually ask for what I want, then when I get it and it turns out to be not quite what I was hoping for, I can blame someone else. Or, at least, I can feel entitled to reject it. This is more or less the reason why I am always so careful about expressing a preference. Plus, of course, fear of disappointment as nothing in life is more painful than rejection. Maybe a good way of avoiding the experience is to pretend that there’s nothing I want to ask for! ....Sometimes, it is better to have a gap in life than to fill the time with an unsatisfactory activity. The wrong kind of something can be a lot more harmful than the right kind of nothing! There comes a point though, where we are better off making any move than none. Even if we create a problem, we can then set about clearing that problem up. Whereas, if we just hang around waiting, it may be ages before any change occurs. I shouldn't really need to think about this...or perhaps I should? I am by nature a participant, not an observer. Oddly though, I now seem to be thinking too much about a matter that is perhaps best responded to instinctively...... I don't want to do that to myself now. I sit here and think, for a moment, about the very best thing I could possibly get...but is it available? Perhaps, I should tell myself "don't poke it. Don’t scratch it. Don’t fiddle with it in any way. Just leave it alone." ...perhaps that is the best advise I can give myself....let things happen and don't be scared...give it a chance and stop thinking of what might be!!!

There are experts all around. We only have to pick up the paper or turn on the TV. Indeed, often we need not make even that much effort. We can hear voices of consummate confidence just by listening to the friends who have an opinion about everything or the family members who know it all. How lucky we are to be surrounded by such clever characters. And what about us? Are we experts too? Do we know a thing or two? Does our own experience count for anything? Right now, my perspective doesn't seem just relevant, it seems essential, indeed. I feel I have the power to make an enormous difference. Trust myself? I guess I should.....

We all want to stay cool, calm and in control. We fancy ourselves as the strong, silent type. We want to be able to take everything in our stride. Yet happily, this is one fancy none of us can fulfil for any length of time. We have emotions. Wild, powerful, passionate urges and impulses that race through our hearts and minds. They cause endless trouble, but at least they prove that we are real human beings – not robots or Vulcans. For some strange reason, I now feel inclined to apologise for the way I feel. Perhaps I shoudn't!! I am fully entitled to the experience – and perhaps I should trust it. It is giving me a headache...you know, sometimes, when you wake up from a particularly intense dream, there's a sense of sadness. Likewise, when a good movie ends or an enjoyable book hits the final chapter. We don't want to return to reality. We are keen to prolong the fantasy. Lots of people strive to lead their whole lives in a state of delusion. They will go to almost any lengths to keep up a pretence. This is all fine during times of disappointment and deprivation. We may as well create an alternate world for ourselves if the real one is sadly lacking. But I have been dreaming for too long and right now, I seem to have an amazing, real-life opportunity. Maybe I am getting my wake-up call!? There is this voice in my head that tells me " Don't resent it – just leap up gratefully and seize what's on offer."....But the catch is...I have trouble seeing what is happening!!!

When things change in my world, they change suddenly. The build-up may be gradual but the moment of truth comes from nowhere and establishes itself at the speed of greased-lightning. The whole thing is rather like watching a balloon being blown up to the point where it finally pops. It often seems amazing how much energy or air can be absorbed. I keep thinking, something has surely got to give soon but it doesn't. And then, the point of no return is brief. What's coming up for me? Liberation! The imminent, instant end of a struggle I feared would go on forever?

Perfection is not easily attained. Indeed, there are some who might argue, that it is totally unattainable. No human being can create it. It exists only in nature. This, of course, does not stop many others from striving. Yet perhaps, we are trying for the wrong thing. Perhaps, instead of wrestling to create perfection we should be learning how to recognise and appreciate it. Perhaps we are too quick to see imperfection all around us. I may not be able to do much to improve a difficult situation but perhaps I can do plenty to alter the way I look at it!!

"All the world's a stage." said Shakespeare. But then, he was a professional dramatist. Is it really true? Are we all merely players? Or was he exaggerating? Certainly, we all play many parts. Life requires us to act out roles – especially if we are to take our responsibilities seriously. Although, while we are doing this, we do not see ourselves as pretending, this may be just because the part requires us to throw ourselves into it, body and soul. This weekend I got to see a new script in which I was cast as a very different character. Whether it proves to be highly rewarding or highly disappointing is something only time can answer!