Some people think stability is something you attain through being as prudent as possible. If you don't rock the boat, they argue, the boat will be less inclined to rock you. But the likes of me know differently. Trouble will always find a way to trouble me, regardless of whether or not I trouble trouble. How can I possibly try to create an island of conviction in the ocean of uncertainty? That's more than a lifetime's work. Perhaps the best I can hope to accomplish is a psychological surfboard. This will let me ride the waves of chaos, rather than be continually submerged by them.

Some things in life are desirable but inadvisable. Others are wise but dull. We spend far more time than we realise trying to juggle these items and factors. There's no point in doing something 'pleasing' if it creates a rotten problem. Nor is there much point in being sensible and restrained if it saps life of all fun and satisfaction.

Tonight some one said to me:

Just as no one can tell u how to feel about a beautiful sunset
No one can tell you how to live your life
You are the artist
And must shape your experiences
With your own hand

He went on and said :

If it should happen
That your dreams are shattered
Dont be affraid
Have the courage to pick up the pieces
And smile at the world
For dreams that are easily shattered
Can just as easily be rebuilt!!

???

امشب نشستم واسه دل خودم گریه کردم
واسه دلی که شکست
واسه دلی که ازتنهایی خودش بی خبر بود
واسه دلی که با چه امیدی بود و با چه نا امیدی مرد.
واسه دلی که تو پاییز موند
دیگه هیچوقت بهار نمیاد
این دل که مرد همه چی رو با خودش برد
دیگه ت�اوتی نداره سبز، س�ید، سیاه....
همه چیز بی م�هومه...
آدما میان و میرن...
روزها میان و میرن...
ولی شب همیشه اینجاست...
سیاهی دل ر�تنی نیست...
گریه کردم شاید اشکم شب را بشوره و ببره
شاید اشکم پاییز رو خسته کنه و بزاره بهار بیاد...
ولی دیگه سیل اشک من هم طاقت غم پاییز رو نداره
باز دلم شکست...
تو آینه نگاه کردم
و تو عمق چشام غمو دیدم ...
تو اون سیاهی تنهایی رو دیدم...
و عکس دل شکسته مو کنار رودخانه
زیر بارون اشکهام
امشب نشستم واسه دلم گریه کردم
واسه دل خودم
واسه دل تو
واسه دل همه اونایی که شبهاشون صبح نداره
و پاییزشون بی بهاره.
امشب نشستم واسه دلم گریه کردم
واسه دل خودم
واسه دل تو
واسه دل همه اونایی که نگاهشون به آینده �قط عمق غمو-
تو چشم هاشون می بینند...
امشب نشستم گریه کردم
واسه دل خودم
واسه دل تو
واسه دل شکسته رویا
واسه غصه پاییز
واسه تنهایی کاج تو زمستون
واسه قطره اشک قناری
واسه بارون
واسه دریا...
واسه دلی که مرد.

If it isn't one thing, it's another - or another or another. Hercules, in his mythical battle with the Hydra, found that as fast as he cut off one of her heads, she grew two more. I too seem to be encountering similar trouble wherever I swing my sword . Although I don't see myself as a person of Herculean strength, but I guess my own analogy was kind of encouraging . That's NOT what I need. To conquer the 'monster' that I face now, what's required is not brawn but brainpower. And that I seem to have - in abundance! So I think….Yesterday’s perfect solution is today's irrelevant idea. Life moves on and, as it does so, we must move on too. We can't keep repeating tried and tested formulas - nor can we assume, just because something once suited us down to the ground, that it will be perfect forever. Something new and different needs to happen now. I don't necessarily have to alter my situation nor I find the strength in me to do so…but I guess what I need to do is to look at things from a different angle.

It is time to move on. Subjects need to be changed. Lines need to be drawn. I did not come to this earth in order to spend my whole life thinking about one particular matter. Fascinating though it may be, I have to introduce a little bit of variety into my agenda.
....There, have I made my point clear?...Are we in agreement? Right then, so lets....Hey! What am I doing?... I can read your mind you know. I caught that thought. Let us try again. It is time to move on. Really, truly, it is. And soon, I really will start managing to do this.....I should stop talking to myself as well!!! This is not healthy!!!

We cannot exist forever on a diet of candy floss. We may love the taste and the way it melts in our mouth. We may also love those bright colours and the caramel smell of spun sugar. But... well, I don't really attempt to give you or myself dietary advice here, I am just drawing an analogy. What seems nice and tasty perhaps may not be the best option to take!!

Have you ever done something and then, thought to yourself afterwards, “Now why on earth did I do that?” Do you sometimes look back on your life and wonder what possessed you to make a particular decision? I only ask because... Well, because... I suspect I am being a little unfair on someone now. I can’t see why they are behaving as they are. But then since when have I been gloriously consistent? A little chaos is always part my days...And as for a little tolerance well, that’s what makes the world go round. If I want a relationship to pick up, May be I should stop being so down on it..but then again maybe they are being unfair on me...isn't that so that every action has a reaction?

First we thought the Earth was flat. Then we decided it was round. Latest findings suggest that it is actually pear-shaped. That explains everything. The more we find out, the more we realise there is more to know. But if we assume that everything in life is likely to end up slightly pear-shaped, we won't go too far wrong! Nothing is perfect. Nobody gets it right every time!!! ( I am trying to talk myself into feeling better about the current events...so go with it;)

People love to talk. Often though, the more they say, the less they actually communicate. Words can help us to hide our true feelings just as much as they can allow us to express them. With our clever explanations and our well-rehearsed justifications, we can make any decision sound reasonable. Yet the fact remains that all our choices are based on something much more powerful and persuasive than intellect. A gut reaction! Our feelings count for far more than we often realise! I guess, It is easy to do what you know how to do. It is difficult to do what you don't! Now I know what you are thinking; “She is stating the obvious.” Ah, but some things are just so obvious that we cannot even see them! Our world is full of people who are busy repeating old experiences. Despite the endless possibilities that we are all theoretically entitled to explore, we end up going round in the same old circles, bringing ourselves a choice between the devil we know and the devil we don't. Er... If we don't know the new devil, how can we be sure it isn't an angel?
What do I believe? And what do I just think I believe? These distinctions are subtle in one way, crucial in another. We take an awful lot for granted. We don't question ourselves any more than we have to. Once we are happy that we know where we stand with regard to a particular situation, we try not to entertain any further thought. After a while though, if we don't freshen up our ideas and attitudes, they grow dusty and stale. I love to feel there is an explanation for everything. There may be. But that doesn't mean I can always see what it is? Perhaps I shouldn't ever feel obliged to produce that explanation in order to justify my actions or anyone else’s. We are allowed to do things without knowing quite why. We are entitled to our instincts and urges. Far better to be honest about these and concede that they represent some kind of primeval impulse than to take the route favoured by so many intellectuals who just disguise their unreasonable impulses by using long, complex, reasonable sounding arguments.

I am beginning to see something vital about what I really feel. It may or may not reveal something about why I really feel it. But that’s secondary!