25th of October

Is life a fairy tale?

Dream, when you're feeling blue
Dream, that's the thing to do
Some things are truly beyond belief. We watch them happen with a mixture of awe and amazement. We re-run the tape in our mind, hoping to make sense of what we have seen. Yet though the filing cabinet of the brain can easily digest and store the familiar, it has great difficulty with the unknown. If it doesn’t recognise something, it strives to compare it to the nearest similar thing – and in the process it often makes big mistakes. And we normally think we know what it is that we don’t know but then we get delightfully surprised.

Today was certainly one of those days. I spend the whole day with my mum and my best friend A. I have to say it was rather nice, as I don’t often get to do that. Due to work pressure and all other things that happened around me which is life really, while I am busy making other plans! (I bet u have heard that one before!). Anyway, sunny October day, we go for a little walk, we have lunch, we go and pamper ourselves and get surprisingly cheap but rather good manicures and all that stuff girlies do when they have a day off. You must be thinking what the heck I am going to complain about then!!? Well give me a break here…I have just started!

Oh well… have you ever thought how different things might have been. If only I had done this, instead of that. What if I could have done X instead of Y? Etc.
I do! Sometimes…well ok…most of the time!! And today I was being punished for all that I have and haven’t done…I was even being told off for my own private thoughts…It is nice to have a friend who can read your mind but it is freaky when she gets together with your mum and they gang up on you and every little fragment of your mind is being analysed and every voice in your head seems like you have been thinking out laud!!

“How much such torture do you want to put yourself through?” A says with a concerned voice.

There is, of course, nothing to stop me from making myself miserable with such thoughts. But they (Mum and A) think their sole job, is to stress there is no need – and no point. They core idea is that I do not yet know enough about what is really going on in a key situation. The more I find out, the less inclined I will be to regret anything.

Then they swiftly move on and get to the main point they both have been waiting to get to…the real subject…the big thing….the sole fact of me being of course Single!!! ‘Still’..I like to insist on that word as my beloved mother kept saying it repetitively!!!


This is where I switched off and went into wishing there were something to save me from this. But there isn’t much you can do while you are getting your legs waxed and your mum, your friend and now the lovely beautician has joined them too!!! Faster than a speeding bullet? Able to leap tall buildings at a single bound? Not bloody likely. There are, it would appear, no super-heroes left in my vicinity. They have all gone into semi-retirement; taken up knitting. If the world needs to be saved, it had better look elsewhere. So no one to save me from this mess!

Well, normally I loose a switch and blow up. But perhaps this time my-inner caped crusader had enough strength for one last battle. For, despite myself, I now seemed to be very calm and even tried to force a smile, Despite the fact that I was being accused of being too fussy…too choosy…still living in the past…not giving any one a chance…being rude and selfish…being attracted to losers, bastards, mummies boys, egomaniacs and egotistical men…and living a dream waiting for prince charming!!

That last one did it really!! What is wrong with that? ‘I can live in a dream knowing that it would happen only when I am sleep and therefore no risk of ever getting hurt again!!!’ Jackpot!!! They all looked at me blankly…as if everything they just said was to a brick wall! (badeh hava!). In the case of my presumptuous friend and mother against silly woman around the world...the verdicts is in...Guilty as charge! Fine now that we all know I am an idiot lets just get on with it!

When I get some piece and quiet and it seemed that they have some how moved to another subject therefore leaving me in my world of fairytales, I closed my eyes and had a visit to my own Lapland!
Happy-ever-afters happen in fairytales. Is life a fairytale? Well, there's certainly a mythical aspect to every journey, even a quick trip to the local supermarket, if we care to sit down and envisage it. Maybe we should see ourselves as an adventurer on some brave quest. Think of our problems as challenges our enemies as dragons, our supporters as wizards and witches who can imbue us with magical powers. Now, are we going to emerge triumphant or defeated? Triumphant, of course. You'll see.

I planned to have a quiet evening in, after my very busy day as you could see! but no!…there are friend duties to be done!…so a trip to Tesco’s (our local super market…the Londoners among you would know!) is a must. And of course my effort to convince A to shop in Sainsbury’s that is right here failed. She has this loyalty thing with Tesco’s that beats me!! So Tesco’s here we come. I am not only going all the way around my head...I am actually going to a supermarket, that is quiet rare…living at home with Mum and Dad I normally only get the odd ‘ buy some milk’ request and the rest falls in Dad’s well assigned task list.

So here I am in Tesco’s, one of those huge, 24 hour ones, and me being me, almost getting lost, am glued to A among all sort of Aisles while she is looking for ‘Loobia Sefid’ as she is attempting to entertain us with Ash on Saturday. I look pretty hacked off and just want to be in my jammies by the fire, by the time we get to the toilet rolls and the tissue aisle. So I am looking around trying to think how did I get myself into this, that suddenly I freeze!!! Oh my god.!! I stop for a second and the subject of my shock does the same!!! We both look at each other completely mesmerised (well I was…I don’t know about him!), thinking I know him from some where and I can feel a shiver in my body…good lord…what is happening!!? I think he thought the same thing…I know her from some where, without the shivering part of course...because we both smiled and I felt like a fifteen year old, all shy and coy and could feel the rush of my entire bodies blood in my face…so I turn the other way, enter the pampers aisle, hit the whole tower of them and have to catch myself saying ‘oh I am so sorry…oh I wasn’t looking at where I am going!’ to this old lady!! What is she doing in Pampers anyway!!!

I am now excited about being in Tesco, in fact I don’t want to leave!!! I remember where I know him from, a little encounter almost a year ago!! That is what I did last year when I saw him too…smiled, panicked and ran!!! Maybe not exactly in that order!!! I am such an idiot!!!

I find A, somewhere in the soft drinks and try to tell her without taking a breath while she kept saying who? The guy in Ireland?( she looks puzzled now!) What guy? Which one? Have you gone out of your mind? Stop and take a breath woman!!

Ok...I bet that at least 80% of you have now voted me, crazy, loner, nutter or something on those lines.

Don’t get too excited, in my little lost and busy world of work, studies and trying to forget about life and all its ups and downs, I was dragged by my friends to go and watch the world cup match in Ireland…YES…the one that Iran played against Ireland!! And this is where I saw Mr.Tesco, and like today had no courage of talking to and all I did was silly little smiles and of course got the same in return!!! And then we got on different flights and all I knew was both flights go to London. So he must live in London and end of story. Actually that is not entirely true! We stayed at the same hotel! I know that because the first time I saw him, he was sitting on his own in the lobby having a drink…this is 3 o’clock in the morning, and I have just arrived with my brother and his friends, feeling very jolly! (That is what a couple of ‘Black Russians’ and god knows how many Martinis does to you…you are jolly even despite the fact that your team lost!)… And can’t stop giggling. I look at him thinking that ...oh he is Iranian too! And umm he is kind of cute…I even had a little game of the hide and seek and more giggles from the third floor stairway! And in the morning when we were all checking out, guess who walks into reception to check out too...I pull my baseball hat right in front of my eyes as I vaguely remember what a prick I have been! Hoping that he hadn’t notice and most of all doesn’t remember me! (I don’t do well with embarrassments…and am not use to making a fool of myself very often…so this was definitely a first…Honest!!…well may be second!!)

I decide I am going to be very graceful and ‘khanoom’ as my dad would put it and just get on that bloody flight home!!! We are in the airport…so are our national football team and everyone is there to take pictures, sign shirts and it is quite nice to have all those people around and oh my god there he is again!!! And that smile …what the heck is going on with my heart…does it always beat like this!!! Is he talking to me….oh my god….he is…say something …stop staring..it is rude...say something! ‘Do you mind taking a picture of us’ he says, holding his camera towards me, pointing at his friends, Karimi, Daee and mahdavikia and some others I can’t remember!!! I smile coldly and take the camera and take the picture and think this is not gonna come out right…I think I zoomed only on him!!!

Oh my god… he is talking to me again…when I get back to my own calm self, I can go back in my memory and remember that we actually had a conversation!! Ok …ok…rewinding the tape in my head over and over again, I recall I know his name and he knows mine…is that it!!!? I can see him walking off and I am thinking …shit...I have to do something about this…but hey…being me...I watch him walk off!! And get on a different flight!!

And tonight standing in the check out, and smiling shyly and coyly again, watching him paying for his shopping and walking off with a girl I had a flash back of that moment…when he walked off and I only knew his name!!!

I had thought about him for a while when I came back, as you often do. We all need something to occupy our minds with and what better than a fantasy of something impossible. But then again the thoughts fade away when you keep giving yourself red cards and shout…Reality check!!! I never thought I would see him again!

We came out of the supermarket and A is laughing at me, because I was just standing there…frozen…not helping her with the bags…I heard her say ‘ Khabi ya bidar…amoo yadegar’!! So I snap out of it, grab a couple of bags and turn towards the car, when I notice he is coming towards us!!! Well not us...the parking ticket machine perhaps…..and I hear myself say : ‘Do I know you from some where?’ OH God…it is that heart beat again…I am having a fit!! Why couldn’t I just shut up!!! The fact that A has now walked off and is heading towards the car and left me on my own is adding to the pain ( …and she calls herself my best friend! ..a voice in my head says…What happened to moral support…and stopping me from doing something stupid…like bloody opening my mouth!) … He smiles and says…’ya I was thinking the same!!’ And there is my Icebreaker…!!

I have often noticed this signs ...“The impossible, we can do at once. Miracles take a little longer.” Signs like this adorn the walls of business premises the world over. Usually, they are displayed alongside other humorous announcements such as “Please don’t ask for credit because a smack in the mouth often offends.” In one way, this is a little unfortunate. It leads to the impression that miracles might NOT actually be feasible – and the impossible is NOT attainable. Yet true magic can and does happen – usually, just when we are not expecting it.

I can say that with 100% certainty. Because that is what happened today! I needed something exceptional and wonderful to occur. And it did.

What? Are you asking what next? Nothing...what do you think happened...I am a prick…you should know me by now …(yes he did recognise me...well I think he did...he asked how my brother is doing!! That should count for something...right? ) …after a little small talk of:

Mr Tesco: ‘what are you doing here?’
Miss brainless: …duh what does it look like? …‘shopping for a dinner thing at my friends!’ with a smile. Heart trembling across the floor by now…
Mr. Tesco : ‘Do you live around here?
Miss brainless: ‘No’…stupid girl….
Mr.Tesco: ‘?’ puzzled face…oh he is waiting for an explanation…
Miss brainless: ‘oh..my friend is…it is her shopping ritual for Ash!’
And……blah blah…
And NO I didn’t get his number…and no he didn’t seem interested…and yes I am an idiot, because I walked off and said ‘oh well see you around’…but hey...give me a break...I proved a point!! So miracles happen. It can. It will. Dreams can come through…may be not exactly the way you want them…but that is a start…right? I can now stand up and tell Mum and A, that I am happy in my little fantasy world of dreams…good things happen there…I don’t have time to deal with the disappointment today, I am too busy. I will deal with them tomorrow! And I can boldly say ‘Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.’ So I take my chances when I feel right!!!


As Jonny mercer sings:

Dream, when you're feeling blue
Dream, that's the thing to do
Just watch the smoke rings in the air
You'll find your share of memories there

So dream when the day is through
Dream, and they might come true
Things are never as bad as they seem
So dream, dream, dream