Raftaniash Raftanian...Moondaniash Mimoonan!

'Fools' we are reliably informed, 'rush in where angels fear to tread.' This leads us to wonder what kind of angels they must be? Why should bona-fide angels be afraid of anything? They have the supreme being on their side, don't they? I am now sorely tempted to doubt anything involving delicate matters like this and just simply like to call them difficult situations. This may be an act of stunning self-sacrifice or extreme stupidity. They say we can't always have what we want. Or can we? What if we decide to want what we don't want? Then, the universe can only disappoint us by giving us what we do want! That's going to protect us, isn't it? Or then again, perhaps not. Through such use of convoluted logic, we cut off our nose to spite our face. We do things that make no sense. May be we are secretly afraid of success? Maybe we fear that we will not be able to cope if our deepest wishes are granted?

We dream of happy-ever-afters. We yearn for cosy cottages with roses round the door. We want to live in peaceful places where all are respectful of one another's needs. And the trouble with all this is? Well, there's no harm in dreaming but we need to remember that we live on planet Earth. There are a lot of jagged edges in the real world - and a lot of unresolved issues too. There are no miracle cures for problems. I may just have to accept things the way they are for a while. That will prove easy as long as I stop punishing myself with unrealistic ideas about perfect solutions. Because there is no such thing....

Perhaps I should make this week the last instalment in a silly saga. There is something that I need to clear up, sort out and move on from. I can't alter certain crucial factors but I can at least decide that I am not going to let them bother me as much in the future. I have been taking something or shall I say someone far too seriously. In allowing myself to feel so concerned, I have been placing a subtle but steady drain on my own power and strength. Now it's time to care a little less and accomplish a whole lot more. I can't, of course, become callous or careless - but I can (and must) perhaps make my key choices a little more dispassionately, while holding on to a broader sense of perspective... (So did Lili insist!)

People who honestly speak their minds are often regarded with suspicion. We live in a polite society. We are encouraged, from an early age, to hide whatever we truly feel and to say what is expected of us. Such behaviour may sometimes go against the grain. There are times when even the meekest and the mildest among us prefer to be upfront and direct, regardless of the social consequences...But are they really? Being upfront I mean? Or in some cases like my experience today, they are trying hard to look like they are being upfront to rectify a situation or doing it out of concern for you?... Tonight I realised though I am particularly disinclined to live out a lie - or to support a suspect supposition, but I have no choice...I was, of course, wonderfully diplomatic and delicate. But I still ended up annoying someone...and that someone wasn't anyone but me…because I sat there and listened to the things that were being said…no matter how contradictory they were to what was said before…and no matter how they conflicted with what the eyes said… Perhaps it doesn't much matter. It's important for the right things to be said and done. If they truly are right, they will end up having the right results...Perhpas sometimes it is easier to switch off and stop listening and just take in what the eyes say deep within, and that will be enough for you...just to know!


The past month was far too strange, everything started to happen at once. Maybe that was not especially unusual. Sometimes it seems as if life is divided into times of feast or famine with not much by way of middle ground. I am beginning to get use to this sudden change schemes, creating a vast amount for me to deal with, focus on, learn and adapt to. It seems as if I have far too much to do in a short space of time. Shall I assume that unexpected developments are convenient coincidences, not aggravating impositions? Shall I aim for quality not quantity and, if something can wait... let it!? Isn't it true that I can't eat every meal on the menu and I can't buy every product in the shop? Nor can I take up every offer that comes my way. You see, the real restriction isn't financial. It is to do with the fact that there's a limit to the number of things I can give my heart and soul to. Rich and poor alike have to whittle down their options sometimes. Variety may be the spice of life but spice needs rice or it isn't nice. Or, to put it another way, some basic and fundamental things need dealing with.


Driving home last night I was thinking, why does everything in this world seem to cost so much? Why does it always seem as though, even if the price is not high financially, it is high in some other way? Why must we always give so much effort, energy, time or emotional commitment in order to get anywhere or to attain anything? Why does it seem that we are being asked to spare more than we can supply? I don't want to let anyone down, nor do I want to deprive myself of something. Nonetheless, reality must be faced. Or mustn't it? Maybe I should keep on trying to come up with the perfect way to fulfil all of my current conflicting needs. I may yet manage to square the circle after all. Watching the sunrise I thought that I shouldn't need to worry about all the 'opportunities' that I may be missing or the 'responsibilities' that I may be failing to carry out fully...or giving away the things or the people I may care most for... For once the right key choices have been made in my life, whatever else I need will come….the fact that I had nothing to do with making the choices is of course irrelevant! Or isn't it?

When a key has a label attached to it, we can instantly tell how useful it may be to us. “Aha,” we say to ourselves, “that opens THIS door. Now I know where to keep it and when to use it.” In every home though, there’s a drawer somewhere containing unlabelled, unrecognised keys. We don’t throw them out in case they prove useful. Nor, though, do we ever bother to experiment with them... until we come across something that needs unlocking. For keys, read answers. For doors, read problems. For drawer read ‘back of your mind’.

I listened...and I looked deep in the eyes that contradicted what was being said...then in a mare moment... I realised I don't need to say anything...infact I no longer wanted to say anything...didn't want to shout, didn't want to make a point...didn't want to shed a tear for my own comforts sake...I couldn't even if I wanted to...it was as though my tears have dried up...It was as if I was going through that drawer in the back of mind...which was saying reserved for pointless arguments...put me in here right in the back...and lock me up once and for all!

So I did...and as I was throwing the key away behind me I felt that sharp pain, deep in my heart, closed my eyes and wished for erasing this moment of that part of the brain that archives everything!!! Hoping to loose the archive tape too!

God, they say in the Old Testament, made man in his own image. Let us hope that he did not also copy his own personality when he created the human race. For if God is as judgemental, narrow-minded, ignorant, arrogant, stupid and selfish as most people on this planet seem to be, then, Houston, we have a problem. Somewhere within we may all have the capacity to be loving, tolerant, kind, enlightened, wise and selfless, but we don’t half hide it! He also gave us selective memory, which without; few of us would get very far. We all subconsciously bury painful or embarrassing experiences. Every so often, though, events in daily life require us to dredge up these old wrecks from the bottom of our emotional ocean. With a sense of resentment, at best - or real anger, at worst - we set out to remember a day we might prefer to forget.

My situation, may well be producing just such a vivid reminder of yesterday. But hey everyone tells me to be optimistic, someone even said “perhaps this experience could yet reveal something well worth retrieving” ….blah blah blah….

Deep within the heart of every human being is a humble, simple soul. For all our sophistication, complexity and pride, we simply want to lead a happy, meaningful life. Our heart wants to feel safe; comfortable, comforted and content. That’s not some impossible, unattainable dream. It’s perfectly feasible to enjoy a life that contains very little stress and a great deal of joy. All it requires is perhaps a willingness to stop trying to rule a certain sector of the world. Maybe relax a little. Then relax a little more. If at all possible, go back to bed. According to one of my dear friends, “failing that, just don’t bother waking up too much. Avoid coffee. Drink camomile tea” .....I gave it a go...but had to wake up!


I need a boost, a break and a better way of leading life. Whilst I think I have been coping pretty well, I am now running out of cheerful, hopeful energy. What I want is for things to come more easily, for solutions to turn up more quickly and convincingly and for relationships to be less of a mixed blessing. Is that too much to ask for? Why should it be? If I don’t think an improvement is possible, then I must think again, as life will be so meaningless that way. I certainly deserve a treat…and it better come my way anytime soon…can’t live on camomile tea for ever you know…..Hello….anyone up there ? if you are listening…..I want my break…and cut this camomile tea crap!

All I have to do, if I want a certain process to stop at any moment, is to say ‘enough’. That magic word will almost instantly end the ride, the journey, the process or the problem. I am really not obliged to take more than I can cope with. I don’t have to go through any kind of endurance test. There has always been a part of me that feels it must put up with whatever the world is putting me through. Not so anymore. From now on the moment I feel inclined to assert my authority over a particular situation, I will do it . If the world is truly my oyster as people keep telling me, then I can be free to do whatever I want and whatever that makes me feel good, even if it is breaking someone's neck! Or screaming! Or kicking the bucket a few times...or sack a few people at work!! ( Perhasp the last one is a bit extreme!)...
Just a thought, but if as they say the world is infact my Oyster...then where the hell’s the pearl? Perhaps it is more accurate to view the world as my oyster farm, populated with molluscs in various stages of development. Some do, indeed, contain pearls but for various reasons, I feel more inclined to gaze longingly at the ones which are not yet ready. I want (or at least I think I want) a very particular pearl. Maybe in time, I can have it. Right now though, if I look in the right place, I can claim a whole string of other, no less wonderful prizes as long as I am not overly particular about it!...ya so they keep saying too...'Don't be Particular' about it!

I am beginning to feel thoroughly fed up with a particular person and a certain situation. I keep wondering what kind of a mistake I have made. In fact, I have nothing to regret, apologise for or 'undo'. All that's needed is an even more enthusiastic attitude on my part. Surely, there is a way to take a tough scenario and turn it into a source of pleasure and satisfaction. It involves storming ahead with energy, belief and commitment " regardless of how much cynicism, doubt or negativity surrounds it' or indeed, emanates from within my own mind. Shall I just ignore it all now? But that is what I always do...shall I run again? Shall I turn away and walk off? It seemed so easy before...but there is something strangely unknown and unfamiliar about this scenario this time...

Perhaps, It is time to redefine a role, rewrite a rule and give the heave-ho to a habit. For some while, I have been gazing wistfully into space saying: 'One day, I will change Factor X or solve Problem Y.' Each time I take a few tentative steps in this direction I get a sharp reminder of the reason why it is not so easy. Chastened, I step back again. There may never though, come a point where it's totally simple and easy. Sooner or later, I am going to have to summon some real willpower and determination.

Why wait till later? Sooner has arrived. If I seize this moment, perhaps I won't require another!!

There are points that need to be made, issues that ought to be discussed and matters that can no longer be ignored. The temptation is to wait until someone else says or does something. That though, merely gives away an advantage. But i guess I should be the one to take the bull by the horn and have the courage to open a conversational can of worms. There will, I can fairly safely bet, be an awkward moment when this first happens but it will be followed by a moment of much greater understanding, concord and communication. I don't normally away from what I know I must march bravely towards...but there is this strange heavy thing deep in my heart that is not letting me take a step.....

Why are we all so keen, so often, to get away from it all? What makes us feel that a change of scenery will heal or change something? Is it because, when we are outside our usual environment, we say and do things that at home we don't dare to? What I really want to make contact with now is my strength; the ability to be more resourceful, confident, and successful. Perhaps all this requires is a clear decision to stop following habit patterns which have been founded on false fear. I know I don't need to go anywhere different. I just need to see the current situation with fresh eyes. blah blah blah....

From the minute we arrive on this planet we are marked, measured, screened, segregated, examined, evaluated, appraised and assessed. They urge us to contest and compete, to pit ourselves endlessly against one another. As with all facts too painful to face, we somehow forget this. Then we just sit around wondering why our world is in such a sorry state. Why there is so little trust and co-operation. Why folk are so reluctant to care and share. Why it seems everyone is out for themselves?

Are you familiar with the Teletubbies? These four simple creatures with a fun-loving philosophy approach each new discovery with childlike enthusiasm. If they ever encounter stress, tension or apparent difficulty, they follow a failsafe policy: 'Run away, run away!' They cry out in their squeaky voices whilst waddling into the distance as quickly as they can. Now, at the risk of stating the obvious, I need to make a crucial point. I am not a Teletubby. Nor, despite the marvels of modern science, am I likely to become one. So, when faced with a scenario that I find threatening or worrying, I cannot just run away. Indeed, I really have no option other than to do the very opposite, But what about the fear of facing the ugly truth...so once again...I run...I turn back and run as fast as I can!

We don't say what we ought to say. We say what we think we ought to say. Then we wonder why nobody understands us. And, of course, because others are equally coy about their own deepest truths, we end up knowing little about the folk we are supposed to be closest to. Even when we really try to bare our souls, we experience great difficulty. We are not used to being honest. We don't know how to find the right words. And we often, rightly, suspect that our statements are not likely to be welcomed. Why rock all those boats, when it is so much easier just to leave the sleeping dogs alone.

We just can't help ourselves. We want everything to work and to feel just great. The problem with that is this. Planet Earth is full of things that look fantastic. Glorious trees. Stunning skies. Awesome oceans. Majestic mountains. We look at nature's rich abundance and feel sure that as we are also 'natural', we must posses that same capacity to shine. Then we look at the reality of our situation and realise that, somehow, it is not so simple. When faced with the car that needs mending, the bill that needs paying, the job that needs doing or the problem that needs solving, our belief in magic soon slips away. Yet deep within , there remains a divine spark, that somehow is waiting to ignite a flame of immense fulfilment.

Some folk are fast and fickle. They will happily say one thing one moment and another the next. They seem to be able to change their hearts just as quickly as their minds! I am not like that. I can't be adaptable and spontaneous but only on the surface. The deeper I dive into the ocean of my emotions, the more I find pools of loyalty and commitment that never change.
Isn't it true that if you ever care for someone for a moment, you care for them for a lifetime. As with people, so with causes. we just can't turn our back on those who may need our help. That's why it takes so long to adjust to new facts and realities. But it is also why, when we finally do move on, we do so with great grace!

We can't just put our feet up and wait for the world to bring us what we need. Neither, though, should we set out to strive with all our might. Somewhere between these two extremes, there’s a compromise. As nobody can accuse us of being idle, we must assume that, if we are veering towards one particular excess, it is probably an excess of effort. So here’s the question. In which area of life am I now ‘trying too hard’ to control a sequence of events? That beats me.... :(

I seem to have gotten use to listening to this before i go to bed!
http://www.naghmeh.com/sattar2.htm

Nikoo says: "Some things in life are desirable but inadvisable. Others are wise but dull. We spend far more time than we realise trying to juggle these items and factors. There's no point in doing something 'pleasing' if it creates a rotten problem. Nor is there much point in being sensible and restrained if it saps life of all fun and satisfaction. "

Mr T said : "Don't suggest that sensible yet boring/restrained things should not be done. If we don't do those things, they remain undone and may in turn undo us. Moreover, how can we be sure that we would enjoy the desirable things if we did not have a base of dull to compare with? If all life is fun, then we never achieve a high because it just becomes the norm. Accept your highs and lows as the complex mosaic that forms the most important thing: You!

As for that wild thing 'Inspiration', it's like a warm summer breeze - always welcome it for it won't last long, but never criticise it, for in so doing you will destroy the thing it brings."

We all hate to feel that we have been ripped off or taken for a ride. If we even so much as suspect that someone is trying to pull a fast one on us, our hackles rise. Our greatest enemy of all, though, is an inner thief. When we allow a voice from within our own mind to tell us that we have no right to be happy; or that we have to pay a heavy price for security - or that life is supposed to be hard and heavy, we really rob ourselves blind. I am tempted today, to indulge a pointless emotion. The question is whether I should guard against that notion? Do I need to try and not take anything away from my own entitlement to be happy!?

Inspiration is rude and badly behaved. It strides boldly into our life without knocking and, once it forces its way into our mind, it acts as if it owns the place. Then, when it feels inclined to depart, it just vanishes without so much as a by-your-leave. It won't though, ever come when we call for it. This elusive force gets away with such outrageous activity because it knows that it is always welcome. Perhaps if I want it to stick around when it shows its face next time, I should try not to criticise it and be open to accepting it!!?

Some people think stability is something you attain through being as prudent as possible. If you don't rock the boat, they argue, the boat will be less inclined to rock you. But the likes of me know differently. Trouble will always find a way to trouble me, regardless of whether or not I trouble trouble. How can I possibly try to create an island of conviction in the ocean of uncertainty? That's more than a lifetime's work. Perhaps the best I can hope to accomplish is a psychological surfboard. This will let me ride the waves of chaos, rather than be continually submerged by them.

Some things in life are desirable but inadvisable. Others are wise but dull. We spend far more time than we realise trying to juggle these items and factors. There's no point in doing something 'pleasing' if it creates a rotten problem. Nor is there much point in being sensible and restrained if it saps life of all fun and satisfaction.