Why do people go to such lengths to make life difficult for themselves? Could it be that secretly none of us likes life to be too easy? Challenge excites us. Drama gives us energy. When things are OK, we don't have anywhere near so much to think about. And thus we become more easily bored. When we are bored, we become agitated and irritated or we start to make very dubious decisions based on carelessness or complacency. Then, unsurprisingly, things go wrong and we have a new difficulty to wrestle with....Ummm ....must pardon me...Having seen the person I am trying to avoid three days in a row with no choice has kind of given me the inclination that perhaps we play a big part in creating difficulties....the point is we are not looking to do so...it just so happens...I shall stop letting my mind wonder off...but it is as though I am approaching the most comfortable point of this cycle...I feel much more relaxed...may be I should just enjoy it while it lasts.

Koja boodim...Koja part shodim!!!

How much power do we really have? How much choice? How much control? There are days when it feels as if the world is our oyster. We believe ourselves to be capable of achieving almost anything. There are other days when we just can't get anything together. It begins to seem as if the fates are conspiring against us. In truth though, we are neither servants nor masters, victims nor perpetrators. Our relationship with the universe is an arrangement between equals. Perhaps it is not so far of from the truth what they say "Sometimes, we must do its bidding, but sometimes it must do ours."

Ghararemoon to shahre eshgh...Akhare khate sarnevesht!!!

For me, the word 'challenge' is a synonym for 'fun'. It seems as though readiness for anything is pretty essential too...because I can't for the life of me predict a minute to another!

Life is full of irony. Sometimes, we set out with a burning ambition to avoid a particular fate. We struggle and strive to ensure that we never find ourselves in a particular position. And where do we end up? Exactly where we do not want to be! When such a thing happens, it feels as if we have been "got at" by an unkind cosmos. Yet we really should not take it personally. It is simply the way of the world. They say a universal law dictates that no human being will ever be allowed to flee from a fear or avoid an aversion forever. A further universal law insists that no person will ever manage to lead a life free of hypocrisy or inconsistency! I am begining to think there is only one cure for this; "Take life a little less seriously"!.....easy to say...much harder to achieve...

Khiali nist....Vali bezani...mizanam!! :p

The biggest risk in life is 'Not taking any risks'!

They say there are two sides to every story. That's rubbish. There are at least twenty-two. No, actually, I take that back. Make it twenty-three. Twenty-two is an even number whereas there is something decidedly odd about the way in which life's biggest issues never quite lend themselves to easy division. There is always something left over. There is always something that doesn't quite go.

You know...it doesn't matter if you keep moving from one disaster to another...I guess the trick is to keep moving!

"Who do you think you are? What gives you the right? How dare you be so presumptuous? There you go, marching around as if you own the place, expressing all kinds of opinions and preferences. How on earth can you really know what you claim to know? How on earth would you know how I really feel? What gives you the right to make assumptions and draw conclusions and claim that is what is best for me? If I want anyone to tell me what is best for me and make decisions for my life I can enquire about it myself! What kind a childish game are you playing at...I can't be completely sure but I have got a pretty good idea and I feel my hunch deserves to be trusted on what I want and what I think what is best for me...Don't talk to me about what is best for me! "


Well...there I said it...I said it all...mybe not to his face...maybe he would never know this...but atleast it is out of my system!

"Let the good times roll." That's what people say we should do, yet I have a question. Why do the good times ever stop rolling? What causes them to come to a grinding halt? Perhaps good times can't roll on forever. Perhaps they have to stop and start. Perhaps, if they don't, we lose all ability to recognise whether those times are good or bad because we have nothing else to compare them to. Then again, perhaps we shall never know why some times are good, and others bad. But then, perhaps it doesn't matter, Good times are only a myth after all!

Don't talk to me about Good times!

To love is simpler than To hate!

I have just been informed the lines are from the book of 'Jibran'....So that you know!

Not sure who said this...but when @li sent it to me, I thought it is worth putting it up here!

My spirit is to me a companion

Who comforts me when the days grow heavy upon me

Who consoles me when the afflictions of life multipy

Who is not a companion to his spirit is an enemy to people

and he

Who seems not in his self a friend dies despairing

For life springs from within a man and comes not from without him .

Many people have tried, over the years, to measure love but, of course, they never can. It may, just conceivably, be possible to assess the quality of a particular emotion. There is though, no way we can ever evaluate the quantity of it. You know why? Because if a love is true, it will never run out. The more it is expressed, the more of it there will be. Faith is also famously self-replenishing.

Do you believe in ghosts? They undoubtedly exist. What's more, they don't have to have anything to do with people who have departed from this realm. The folk who are still very much alive and kicking can haunt and spook us in a hundred different ways. And, of course, we have our memories. They lurk in the dark corners of our minds and leap out to scare us when we are at our most vulnerable. I now need to exorcise an uneasy spirit from the relatively recent past. It may yet prove easier to free myself from its power than I might think...but then again... We think we know so much, yet in reality we know so very little. This is not entirely due to a lack of information! Sometimes, the facts are staring us in the face but we refuse to see them. Our prejudices and our preconceptions are just too strong. Inwardly, we can tell that we are barking up the wrong tree. Intellectually though, we remain adamant. So somehow, we have to trick or trip ourselves up...So how about that exorcist?

"Just follow your heart." That's what people say. They make it sound simple. They imply that, if only we can get ourselves "in tune with our deepest feelings" everything will be simple. They forget that the impulse of the heart is not particularly logical. It doesn't just disagree with the head by taking the opposite point of view, it winds it up to a frenzy by taking a stance that makes no sense. Or even, by taking two stances at once! I followed my heart, and where did it get me? ... round in circles. Perhaps I can't try to force it to follow a straight line...but that will be a change!!

"Be willing to be surprised"...An old friend of mine once said! I guess, we all, even if we are open-minded, spend more time than we realise keeping the unexpected at bay. If we see something coming up that we can't be sure of, we do our best to get one step ahead. We don't necessarily run for cover or refuse to let change occur, but we set up a series of controls and checks. We try to ensure that we won't get swept off our feet or taken off at a tangent. Life though, always finds a way to rewrite our agenda sooner or later. It has a mission to remind us that we really don't know everything. Whenever we allow it to make this point, we profit. It is only when we refuse to be told that we suffer.

It's strange how sometimes, familiar things can suddenly seem very strange to us. We think that we really know a place, a person, a subject or a situation. Then, something happens to alter our perception. After this, we can never see things in quite the same way again. I have been through quite a journey of discovery - and rediscovery - lately. Infact I am still going down that road. Though some events have placed me under pressure, have created lots of stress and caused a feeling of an increased need for real, strong security, I want to believe the process to be essentially a positive one. I am learning a lesson now that will be of practical, profitable benefit to me for the rest of my life...Never trust anything or anyone!...call that pessimism...but hey...I never claimed to be an optimist...that is a myth!

Sometimes, you just can't get comfortable on the sofa no matter what you do. You can rearrange the cushions, change your position and shuffle around for as long as you like, yet somehow, you won't feel fully able to relax. Well picture me with that syndrome right now....It is like there is a situation that just doesn't feel quite right...not just like!...infact there is!....but I keep thinking I can waste an awful lot of time and energy in an attempt to fix things. Yet it may make a lot more sense to accept that there will be a problem, regardless of what I do, so I might as well do whatever is easiest...which you have repeatedly heard me say...turn and walk away...and you have also heard me say that I would never do that again...I have even confused myself with this double standard that somehow only I have managed to create....

You see the thing is, If I walk I have only disregarded a decision I made...but if I carry on worrying and looking for solutions, for something that obviously is not fixable I will just be hurting myself...and helping out the process of deterioration...with painful agenda!!!

So...to turn or not to turn....??

How are we supposed to get what we want? They say, One technique involves learning to want whatever you happen to have...Ok...fair enough... Apparently this ensures success every time, and If it does not much appeal to you, here's an alternative they say... Try making sure that whatever you want is really worth wanting, so if you get it, you will never feel let down, and if you don't, at least you will be able to console yourself with the knowledge that you were attempting to achieve something truly worthwhile.

I guess what they are trying to say is to hold out for the best , you may yet get it...it is that 'may' part that I don't buy!

Imagine being blindfolded and then taken for a walk. You are led to a ledge and then instructed to jump. You stand there psychologically preparing yourself for a brave leap into a chasm. You are flexing and tensing your muscles in the hope that these will absorb the impact when you finally land. Yet in fact, you have only a couple of feet to fall! In a way, this is exactly what is happening to me now!Exactly how I feel... I can't quite see what is coming next so I am preparing for the worst. I guess you can't win'em all. But then, nor can we lose 'em all! The law of averages dictates that sooner or later, no matter how badly things seem to be falling apart, something is going to have to come together.

It's a little funny really. We are trained from the earliest possible age, to be competitive. As schoolchildren we are pitted against our classmates. Throughout our adult life we are encouraged to make comparisons. Who are we better than? Whose standard have we yet to surpass? Yet life is not a sport nor a game. Winning and losing are shallow notions - of interest only to the intellectually bankrupt and the imaginatively barren. It's not a victory we need , it's a sense of satisfaction that we strive for! Something to make sense of...Something logical.....but then again...If we are all so fond of logic, reason, sense and strategy - why are there so many pubs? Why do so many of us spend so much time ingesting large amounts of poisonous liquid in an attempt to blur our brains and dull our wits? The truth of the matter is that we love to feel a little stupid and bemused! Indeed, there's only one thing that most of us enjoy more than confusion... and that's delusion! We all at one point or another seem to be entertaining a particularly ridiculous fantasy , and we tend to indulge a bit in its amusement and ignore it i If it upsetting us...as if casually walking away from it...easier said than done!

We take the familiar for granted and give undue respect to the unknown. That's why so many stupid things happen in the name of progress. That's why people are forever reinventing the wheel. If we've got something good, we don't appreciate it. Yet if something is lurking on the horizon, just out of sight, then no matter how shallow or dull it may truly be, we tend to imagine it contains the answers to all our prayers.

Faith, as far as I am concerned, is not something you can subject to analysis. Rather like love, it is something you either feel or you don't. You can't talk yourself into it or out of it, nor can you explain, justify or rationalise it. When you have got a good feeling that you want to support, there is no need to engage your intellect. At the moment though, I keep asking; Is it a lack of faith that I need to conquer? Is it that I need something my heart and mind alike can believe in? That certainly sounds like a bit of a far-fetched aspiration but I have had more surprises lately than I can count...so one never knows!

Have you ever watched a tree grow? Have you ever watched a flower open? Such processes take place slowly and subtly. Only through watching a film, speeded up, do we get to see how they really occur. This is why, sometimes, we can feel as if there really is no movement in our life. Nothing is changing or moving on, then suddenly, one day, we realise that things are very different and they will never be the same again!

'Talk things through' That is what the experts all advise us to do. If we have a problem they say we should get it off our chest. Share the burden. Get a dialogue going. The more we communicate with each other, the more we will foster mutual understand and respect. Or so, at least, the great psychologists tell us. But what if you find yourself trying to have words with someone who just winds you up? What if, the more you talk to a particular person, the more inclined you feel to run screaming for the hills. What if it doesn't work?....Is it ok to pull back, shut up, and let more time pass?
Eventually, we can get used to most things. If continually assailed by an unpleasant noise, we will find some way to 'filter it out', If confronted with a lingering, noxious odour, we will eventually shut down the receptors in the part of our brain that recognises such smells. We can even handle pain in this way if subjected to it often enough. Sometimes, though, we end up protecting ourselves unnecessarily. I now feel inclined to toughen up...!

Raftaniash Raftanian...Moondaniash Mimoonan!

'Fools' we are reliably informed, 'rush in where angels fear to tread.' This leads us to wonder what kind of angels they must be? Why should bona-fide angels be afraid of anything? They have the supreme being on their side, don't they? I am now sorely tempted to doubt anything involving delicate matters like this and just simply like to call them difficult situations. This may be an act of stunning self-sacrifice or extreme stupidity. They say we can't always have what we want. Or can we? What if we decide to want what we don't want? Then, the universe can only disappoint us by giving us what we do want! That's going to protect us, isn't it? Or then again, perhaps not. Through such use of convoluted logic, we cut off our nose to spite our face. We do things that make no sense. May be we are secretly afraid of success? Maybe we fear that we will not be able to cope if our deepest wishes are granted?

We dream of happy-ever-afters. We yearn for cosy cottages with roses round the door. We want to live in peaceful places where all are respectful of one another's needs. And the trouble with all this is? Well, there's no harm in dreaming but we need to remember that we live on planet Earth. There are a lot of jagged edges in the real world - and a lot of unresolved issues too. There are no miracle cures for problems. I may just have to accept things the way they are for a while. That will prove easy as long as I stop punishing myself with unrealistic ideas about perfect solutions. Because there is no such thing....

Perhaps I should make this week the last instalment in a silly saga. There is something that I need to clear up, sort out and move on from. I can't alter certain crucial factors but I can at least decide that I am not going to let them bother me as much in the future. I have been taking something or shall I say someone far too seriously. In allowing myself to feel so concerned, I have been placing a subtle but steady drain on my own power and strength. Now it's time to care a little less and accomplish a whole lot more. I can't, of course, become callous or careless - but I can (and must) perhaps make my key choices a little more dispassionately, while holding on to a broader sense of perspective... (So did Lili insist!)

People who honestly speak their minds are often regarded with suspicion. We live in a polite society. We are encouraged, from an early age, to hide whatever we truly feel and to say what is expected of us. Such behaviour may sometimes go against the grain. There are times when even the meekest and the mildest among us prefer to be upfront and direct, regardless of the social consequences...But are they really? Being upfront I mean? Or in some cases like my experience today, they are trying hard to look like they are being upfront to rectify a situation or doing it out of concern for you?... Tonight I realised though I am particularly disinclined to live out a lie - or to support a suspect supposition, but I have no choice...I was, of course, wonderfully diplomatic and delicate. But I still ended up annoying someone...and that someone wasn't anyone but me…because I sat there and listened to the things that were being said…no matter how contradictory they were to what was said before…and no matter how they conflicted with what the eyes said… Perhaps it doesn't much matter. It's important for the right things to be said and done. If they truly are right, they will end up having the right results...Perhpas sometimes it is easier to switch off and stop listening and just take in what the eyes say deep within, and that will be enough for you...just to know!


The past month was far too strange, everything started to happen at once. Maybe that was not especially unusual. Sometimes it seems as if life is divided into times of feast or famine with not much by way of middle ground. I am beginning to get use to this sudden change schemes, creating a vast amount for me to deal with, focus on, learn and adapt to. It seems as if I have far too much to do in a short space of time. Shall I assume that unexpected developments are convenient coincidences, not aggravating impositions? Shall I aim for quality not quantity and, if something can wait... let it!? Isn't it true that I can't eat every meal on the menu and I can't buy every product in the shop? Nor can I take up every offer that comes my way. You see, the real restriction isn't financial. It is to do with the fact that there's a limit to the number of things I can give my heart and soul to. Rich and poor alike have to whittle down their options sometimes. Variety may be the spice of life but spice needs rice or it isn't nice. Or, to put it another way, some basic and fundamental things need dealing with.


Driving home last night I was thinking, why does everything in this world seem to cost so much? Why does it always seem as though, even if the price is not high financially, it is high in some other way? Why must we always give so much effort, energy, time or emotional commitment in order to get anywhere or to attain anything? Why does it seem that we are being asked to spare more than we can supply? I don't want to let anyone down, nor do I want to deprive myself of something. Nonetheless, reality must be faced. Or mustn't it? Maybe I should keep on trying to come up with the perfect way to fulfil all of my current conflicting needs. I may yet manage to square the circle after all. Watching the sunrise I thought that I shouldn't need to worry about all the 'opportunities' that I may be missing or the 'responsibilities' that I may be failing to carry out fully...or giving away the things or the people I may care most for... For once the right key choices have been made in my life, whatever else I need will come….the fact that I had nothing to do with making the choices is of course irrelevant! Or isn't it?

When a key has a label attached to it, we can instantly tell how useful it may be to us. “Aha,” we say to ourselves, “that opens THIS door. Now I know where to keep it and when to use it.” In every home though, there’s a drawer somewhere containing unlabelled, unrecognised keys. We don’t throw them out in case they prove useful. Nor, though, do we ever bother to experiment with them... until we come across something that needs unlocking. For keys, read answers. For doors, read problems. For drawer read ‘back of your mind’.

I listened...and I looked deep in the eyes that contradicted what was being said...then in a mare moment... I realised I don't need to say anything...infact I no longer wanted to say anything...didn't want to shout, didn't want to make a point...didn't want to shed a tear for my own comforts sake...I couldn't even if I wanted to...it was as though my tears have dried up...It was as if I was going through that drawer in the back of mind...which was saying reserved for pointless arguments...put me in here right in the back...and lock me up once and for all!

So I did...and as I was throwing the key away behind me I felt that sharp pain, deep in my heart, closed my eyes and wished for erasing this moment of that part of the brain that archives everything!!! Hoping to loose the archive tape too!

God, they say in the Old Testament, made man in his own image. Let us hope that he did not also copy his own personality when he created the human race. For if God is as judgemental, narrow-minded, ignorant, arrogant, stupid and selfish as most people on this planet seem to be, then, Houston, we have a problem. Somewhere within we may all have the capacity to be loving, tolerant, kind, enlightened, wise and selfless, but we don’t half hide it! He also gave us selective memory, which without; few of us would get very far. We all subconsciously bury painful or embarrassing experiences. Every so often, though, events in daily life require us to dredge up these old wrecks from the bottom of our emotional ocean. With a sense of resentment, at best - or real anger, at worst - we set out to remember a day we might prefer to forget.

My situation, may well be producing just such a vivid reminder of yesterday. But hey everyone tells me to be optimistic, someone even said “perhaps this experience could yet reveal something well worth retrieving” ….blah blah blah….

Deep within the heart of every human being is a humble, simple soul. For all our sophistication, complexity and pride, we simply want to lead a happy, meaningful life. Our heart wants to feel safe; comfortable, comforted and content. That’s not some impossible, unattainable dream. It’s perfectly feasible to enjoy a life that contains very little stress and a great deal of joy. All it requires is perhaps a willingness to stop trying to rule a certain sector of the world. Maybe relax a little. Then relax a little more. If at all possible, go back to bed. According to one of my dear friends, “failing that, just don’t bother waking up too much. Avoid coffee. Drink camomile tea” .....I gave it a go...but had to wake up!


I need a boost, a break and a better way of leading life. Whilst I think I have been coping pretty well, I am now running out of cheerful, hopeful energy. What I want is for things to come more easily, for solutions to turn up more quickly and convincingly and for relationships to be less of a mixed blessing. Is that too much to ask for? Why should it be? If I don’t think an improvement is possible, then I must think again, as life will be so meaningless that way. I certainly deserve a treat…and it better come my way anytime soon…can’t live on camomile tea for ever you know…..Hello….anyone up there ? if you are listening…..I want my break…and cut this camomile tea crap!

All I have to do, if I want a certain process to stop at any moment, is to say ‘enough’. That magic word will almost instantly end the ride, the journey, the process or the problem. I am really not obliged to take more than I can cope with. I don’t have to go through any kind of endurance test. There has always been a part of me that feels it must put up with whatever the world is putting me through. Not so anymore. From now on the moment I feel inclined to assert my authority over a particular situation, I will do it . If the world is truly my oyster as people keep telling me, then I can be free to do whatever I want and whatever that makes me feel good, even if it is breaking someone's neck! Or screaming! Or kicking the bucket a few times...or sack a few people at work!! ( Perhasp the last one is a bit extreme!)...
Just a thought, but if as they say the world is infact my Oyster...then where the hell’s the pearl? Perhaps it is more accurate to view the world as my oyster farm, populated with molluscs in various stages of development. Some do, indeed, contain pearls but for various reasons, I feel more inclined to gaze longingly at the ones which are not yet ready. I want (or at least I think I want) a very particular pearl. Maybe in time, I can have it. Right now though, if I look in the right place, I can claim a whole string of other, no less wonderful prizes as long as I am not overly particular about it!...ya so they keep saying too...'Don't be Particular' about it!

I am beginning to feel thoroughly fed up with a particular person and a certain situation. I keep wondering what kind of a mistake I have made. In fact, I have nothing to regret, apologise for or 'undo'. All that's needed is an even more enthusiastic attitude on my part. Surely, there is a way to take a tough scenario and turn it into a source of pleasure and satisfaction. It involves storming ahead with energy, belief and commitment " regardless of how much cynicism, doubt or negativity surrounds it' or indeed, emanates from within my own mind. Shall I just ignore it all now? But that is what I always do...shall I run again? Shall I turn away and walk off? It seemed so easy before...but there is something strangely unknown and unfamiliar about this scenario this time...

Perhaps, It is time to redefine a role, rewrite a rule and give the heave-ho to a habit. For some while, I have been gazing wistfully into space saying: 'One day, I will change Factor X or solve Problem Y.' Each time I take a few tentative steps in this direction I get a sharp reminder of the reason why it is not so easy. Chastened, I step back again. There may never though, come a point where it's totally simple and easy. Sooner or later, I am going to have to summon some real willpower and determination.

Why wait till later? Sooner has arrived. If I seize this moment, perhaps I won't require another!!

There are points that need to be made, issues that ought to be discussed and matters that can no longer be ignored. The temptation is to wait until someone else says or does something. That though, merely gives away an advantage. But i guess I should be the one to take the bull by the horn and have the courage to open a conversational can of worms. There will, I can fairly safely bet, be an awkward moment when this first happens but it will be followed by a moment of much greater understanding, concord and communication. I don't normally away from what I know I must march bravely towards...but there is this strange heavy thing deep in my heart that is not letting me take a step.....

Why are we all so keen, so often, to get away from it all? What makes us feel that a change of scenery will heal or change something? Is it because, when we are outside our usual environment, we say and do things that at home we don't dare to? What I really want to make contact with now is my strength; the ability to be more resourceful, confident, and successful. Perhaps all this requires is a clear decision to stop following habit patterns which have been founded on false fear. I know I don't need to go anywhere different. I just need to see the current situation with fresh eyes. blah blah blah....

From the minute we arrive on this planet we are marked, measured, screened, segregated, examined, evaluated, appraised and assessed. They urge us to contest and compete, to pit ourselves endlessly against one another. As with all facts too painful to face, we somehow forget this. Then we just sit around wondering why our world is in such a sorry state. Why there is so little trust and co-operation. Why folk are so reluctant to care and share. Why it seems everyone is out for themselves?

Are you familiar with the Teletubbies? These four simple creatures with a fun-loving philosophy approach each new discovery with childlike enthusiasm. If they ever encounter stress, tension or apparent difficulty, they follow a failsafe policy: 'Run away, run away!' They cry out in their squeaky voices whilst waddling into the distance as quickly as they can. Now, at the risk of stating the obvious, I need to make a crucial point. I am not a Teletubby. Nor, despite the marvels of modern science, am I likely to become one. So, when faced with a scenario that I find threatening or worrying, I cannot just run away. Indeed, I really have no option other than to do the very opposite, But what about the fear of facing the ugly truth...so once again...I run...I turn back and run as fast as I can!

We don't say what we ought to say. We say what we think we ought to say. Then we wonder why nobody understands us. And, of course, because others are equally coy about their own deepest truths, we end up knowing little about the folk we are supposed to be closest to. Even when we really try to bare our souls, we experience great difficulty. We are not used to being honest. We don't know how to find the right words. And we often, rightly, suspect that our statements are not likely to be welcomed. Why rock all those boats, when it is so much easier just to leave the sleeping dogs alone.

We just can't help ourselves. We want everything to work and to feel just great. The problem with that is this. Planet Earth is full of things that look fantastic. Glorious trees. Stunning skies. Awesome oceans. Majestic mountains. We look at nature's rich abundance and feel sure that as we are also 'natural', we must posses that same capacity to shine. Then we look at the reality of our situation and realise that, somehow, it is not so simple. When faced with the car that needs mending, the bill that needs paying, the job that needs doing or the problem that needs solving, our belief in magic soon slips away. Yet deep within , there remains a divine spark, that somehow is waiting to ignite a flame of immense fulfilment.

Some folk are fast and fickle. They will happily say one thing one moment and another the next. They seem to be able to change their hearts just as quickly as their minds! I am not like that. I can't be adaptable and spontaneous but only on the surface. The deeper I dive into the ocean of my emotions, the more I find pools of loyalty and commitment that never change.
Isn't it true that if you ever care for someone for a moment, you care for them for a lifetime. As with people, so with causes. we just can't turn our back on those who may need our help. That's why it takes so long to adjust to new facts and realities. But it is also why, when we finally do move on, we do so with great grace!

We can't just put our feet up and wait for the world to bring us what we need. Neither, though, should we set out to strive with all our might. Somewhere between these two extremes, there’s a compromise. As nobody can accuse us of being idle, we must assume that, if we are veering towards one particular excess, it is probably an excess of effort. So here’s the question. In which area of life am I now ‘trying too hard’ to control a sequence of events? That beats me.... :(

I seem to have gotten use to listening to this before i go to bed!
http://www.naghmeh.com/sattar2.htm

Nikoo says: "Some things in life are desirable but inadvisable. Others are wise but dull. We spend far more time than we realise trying to juggle these items and factors. There's no point in doing something 'pleasing' if it creates a rotten problem. Nor is there much point in being sensible and restrained if it saps life of all fun and satisfaction. "

Mr T said : "Don't suggest that sensible yet boring/restrained things should not be done. If we don't do those things, they remain undone and may in turn undo us. Moreover, how can we be sure that we would enjoy the desirable things if we did not have a base of dull to compare with? If all life is fun, then we never achieve a high because it just becomes the norm. Accept your highs and lows as the complex mosaic that forms the most important thing: You!

As for that wild thing 'Inspiration', it's like a warm summer breeze - always welcome it for it won't last long, but never criticise it, for in so doing you will destroy the thing it brings."

We all hate to feel that we have been ripped off or taken for a ride. If we even so much as suspect that someone is trying to pull a fast one on us, our hackles rise. Our greatest enemy of all, though, is an inner thief. When we allow a voice from within our own mind to tell us that we have no right to be happy; or that we have to pay a heavy price for security - or that life is supposed to be hard and heavy, we really rob ourselves blind. I am tempted today, to indulge a pointless emotion. The question is whether I should guard against that notion? Do I need to try and not take anything away from my own entitlement to be happy!?

Inspiration is rude and badly behaved. It strides boldly into our life without knocking and, once it forces its way into our mind, it acts as if it owns the place. Then, when it feels inclined to depart, it just vanishes without so much as a by-your-leave. It won't though, ever come when we call for it. This elusive force gets away with such outrageous activity because it knows that it is always welcome. Perhaps if I want it to stick around when it shows its face next time, I should try not to criticise it and be open to accepting it!!?

Some people think stability is something you attain through being as prudent as possible. If you don't rock the boat, they argue, the boat will be less inclined to rock you. But the likes of me know differently. Trouble will always find a way to trouble me, regardless of whether or not I trouble trouble. How can I possibly try to create an island of conviction in the ocean of uncertainty? That's more than a lifetime's work. Perhaps the best I can hope to accomplish is a psychological surfboard. This will let me ride the waves of chaos, rather than be continually submerged by them.

Some things in life are desirable but inadvisable. Others are wise but dull. We spend far more time than we realise trying to juggle these items and factors. There's no point in doing something 'pleasing' if it creates a rotten problem. Nor is there much point in being sensible and restrained if it saps life of all fun and satisfaction.

Tonight some one said to me:

Just as no one can tell u how to feel about a beautiful sunset
No one can tell you how to live your life
You are the artist
And must shape your experiences
With your own hand

He went on and said :

If it should happen
That your dreams are shattered
Dont be affraid
Have the courage to pick up the pieces
And smile at the world
For dreams that are easily shattered
Can just as easily be rebuilt!!

???

امشب نشستم واسه دل خودم گریه کردم
واسه دلی که شکست
واسه دلی که ازتنهایی خودش بی خبر بود
واسه دلی که با چه امیدی بود و با چه نا امیدی مرد.
واسه دلی که تو پاییز موند
دیگه هیچوقت بهار نمیاد
این دل که مرد همه چی رو با خودش برد
دیگه ت�اوتی نداره سبز، س�ید، سیاه....
همه چیز بی م�هومه...
آدما میان و میرن...
روزها میان و میرن...
ولی شب همیشه اینجاست...
سیاهی دل ر�تنی نیست...
گریه کردم شاید اشکم شب را بشوره و ببره
شاید اشکم پاییز رو خسته کنه و بزاره بهار بیاد...
ولی دیگه سیل اشک من هم طاقت غم پاییز رو نداره
باز دلم شکست...
تو آینه نگاه کردم
و تو عمق چشام غمو دیدم ...
تو اون سیاهی تنهایی رو دیدم...
و عکس دل شکسته مو کنار رودخانه
زیر بارون اشکهام
امشب نشستم واسه دلم گریه کردم
واسه دل خودم
واسه دل تو
واسه دل همه اونایی که شبهاشون صبح نداره
و پاییزشون بی بهاره.
امشب نشستم واسه دلم گریه کردم
واسه دل خودم
واسه دل تو
واسه دل همه اونایی که نگاهشون به آینده �قط عمق غمو-
تو چشم هاشون می بینند...
امشب نشستم گریه کردم
واسه دل خودم
واسه دل تو
واسه دل شکسته رویا
واسه غصه پاییز
واسه تنهایی کاج تو زمستون
واسه قطره اشک قناری
واسه بارون
واسه دریا...
واسه دلی که مرد.

If it isn't one thing, it's another - or another or another. Hercules, in his mythical battle with the Hydra, found that as fast as he cut off one of her heads, she grew two more. I too seem to be encountering similar trouble wherever I swing my sword . Although I don't see myself as a person of Herculean strength, but I guess my own analogy was kind of encouraging . That's NOT what I need. To conquer the 'monster' that I face now, what's required is not brawn but brainpower. And that I seem to have - in abundance! So I think….Yesterday’s perfect solution is today's irrelevant idea. Life moves on and, as it does so, we must move on too. We can't keep repeating tried and tested formulas - nor can we assume, just because something once suited us down to the ground, that it will be perfect forever. Something new and different needs to happen now. I don't necessarily have to alter my situation nor I find the strength in me to do so…but I guess what I need to do is to look at things from a different angle.

It is time to move on. Subjects need to be changed. Lines need to be drawn. I did not come to this earth in order to spend my whole life thinking about one particular matter. Fascinating though it may be, I have to introduce a little bit of variety into my agenda.
....There, have I made my point clear?...Are we in agreement? Right then, so lets....Hey! What am I doing?... I can read your mind you know. I caught that thought. Let us try again. It is time to move on. Really, truly, it is. And soon, I really will start managing to do this.....I should stop talking to myself as well!!! This is not healthy!!!

We cannot exist forever on a diet of candy floss. We may love the taste and the way it melts in our mouth. We may also love those bright colours and the caramel smell of spun sugar. But... well, I don't really attempt to give you or myself dietary advice here, I am just drawing an analogy. What seems nice and tasty perhaps may not be the best option to take!!

Have you ever done something and then, thought to yourself afterwards, “Now why on earth did I do that?” Do you sometimes look back on your life and wonder what possessed you to make a particular decision? I only ask because... Well, because... I suspect I am being a little unfair on someone now. I can’t see why they are behaving as they are. But then since when have I been gloriously consistent? A little chaos is always part my days...And as for a little tolerance well, that’s what makes the world go round. If I want a relationship to pick up, May be I should stop being so down on it..but then again maybe they are being unfair on me...isn't that so that every action has a reaction?

First we thought the Earth was flat. Then we decided it was round. Latest findings suggest that it is actually pear-shaped. That explains everything. The more we find out, the more we realise there is more to know. But if we assume that everything in life is likely to end up slightly pear-shaped, we won't go too far wrong! Nothing is perfect. Nobody gets it right every time!!! ( I am trying to talk myself into feeling better about the current events...so go with it;)

People love to talk. Often though, the more they say, the less they actually communicate. Words can help us to hide our true feelings just as much as they can allow us to express them. With our clever explanations and our well-rehearsed justifications, we can make any decision sound reasonable. Yet the fact remains that all our choices are based on something much more powerful and persuasive than intellect. A gut reaction! Our feelings count for far more than we often realise! I guess, It is easy to do what you know how to do. It is difficult to do what you don't! Now I know what you are thinking; “She is stating the obvious.” Ah, but some things are just so obvious that we cannot even see them! Our world is full of people who are busy repeating old experiences. Despite the endless possibilities that we are all theoretically entitled to explore, we end up going round in the same old circles, bringing ourselves a choice between the devil we know and the devil we don't. Er... If we don't know the new devil, how can we be sure it isn't an angel?
What do I believe? And what do I just think I believe? These distinctions are subtle in one way, crucial in another. We take an awful lot for granted. We don't question ourselves any more than we have to. Once we are happy that we know where we stand with regard to a particular situation, we try not to entertain any further thought. After a while though, if we don't freshen up our ideas and attitudes, they grow dusty and stale. I love to feel there is an explanation for everything. There may be. But that doesn't mean I can always see what it is? Perhaps I shouldn't ever feel obliged to produce that explanation in order to justify my actions or anyone else’s. We are allowed to do things without knowing quite why. We are entitled to our instincts and urges. Far better to be honest about these and concede that they represent some kind of primeval impulse than to take the route favoured by so many intellectuals who just disguise their unreasonable impulses by using long, complex, reasonable sounding arguments.

I am beginning to see something vital about what I really feel. It may or may not reveal something about why I really feel it. But that’s secondary!

People talk a lot about closure and completion. They speak of moving on and letting go. The implication here, is that life is a series of short stories. In reality though, it is an intricately-woven novel. A carefully plotted blockbuster in which various threads recur – casting new light on old dramas, each time they do. All the world may well be a stage – and we may all well be players but our scripts come late. There is never enough time to rehearse. And we often find ourselves repeating lines that we have used many times before. Am I going to go round the same old treadmill once more without actually getting anywhere? Or am I going to make a big breakthrough? ...I guess I'll never know unless I let things happen....

People say we should always have positive expectations. But, for the sake of safety and sanity, we need a little cynicism and pessimism. We can't just assume, for example, that someone who has behaved atrociously will suddenly turn into a lovely person just because they say this is what they are intending to do. Nor, having just run a bath should we ever step confidently into it because we trust that it is going to be the perfect temperature. It is our ability to envisage a negative that stops us from being burned. I guess what I need to get my head around now is to "First run a test. Then get my hopes up!"

Some "new eras" begin with a whimper then leave you waiting so long for a bang that you begin to wonder if it will ever come. Others start with fanfares, raising expectations which are then not fulfilled for ages. Maybe today will be much like yesterday. Maybe tomorrow will be too.

God, they say in the Old Testament, made man in his own image. Let us hope that he did not also copy his own personality when he created the human race. For if God is as judgemental, narrow-minded, ignorant, arrogant, stupid and selfish as most people on this planet seem to be, then, Houston, we have a problem. Somewhere within we may all have the capacity to be loving, tolerant, kind, enlightened, wise and selfless, but we don't half hide it! Right now though, I am being given a chance to reveal my inner divinity! Oh yes...be scared....very scared!!!!

Psychologists call it 'displacement.' We feel frustrated about something serious but it seems we are unable to influence the situation. So we transfer our attention to something trivial and get angry about that instead.( Like I do now...with work and every small detail gets to me!) Or we create a fantasy realm; a jolly little bubble full of false priorities and warped perspectives. We kid ourselves that our world is the real world. It comes as something of a shock when we discover that it is not. I guess for some while it is a good attempt to avoid an awkward truth. Now, do I get to face it and discover that I have power over it? Or do I walk away on the account that I might have no power over it?

"Once bitten, twice shy." Through the over-enthusiastic use of this motto, millions have been persuaded to give up on goals or ideals that might have been very rewarding. Of course, if something poses us a big problem when we encounter it, we must be careful about how we approach it next time. But to give up and walk away from someone or something, just because we have experienced a little pain and inconvenience, is to be cowardly not clever. The question is..am I brave enough to try again? Would it work? So many if's and but's and maybe's...and only one "It may just work for me."!

They say, "Blessed are they who have no expectations, for they shall not be disappointed." It sounds profound until you realise the opposite is also true. "Cursed are they who fear disappointment, for they will never entertain a brave belief." Sometimes, you just have to go beyond your inhibitions. You have to take a leap of faith. At such times, one is entitled to assume that the universe will grant some protection. But not quite sure precisely what kind!

Sometimes, you can be your own worst enemy. And sometimes, you can be your very best friend. The problem here, is that I can't always tell which part me is acting out at any particular point. My tone of voice doesn't change, nor does my demeanour. So how am I supposed to know whether it is safe to take my own advice!? Nor, of course, can I just ask someone else for their opinion, they may well be biased. Any suggestion? No matter how I feel, whether most strongly and passionately now, shall I trust it? One way in which I can always do myself a very big favour, is to avoid doubting me unnecessarily...but does that apply here? Is it relevant...shall I let things just take their natural flow...or shall I step back in fear as I always do and let this pass by too?

I may make you wonder, I may make you smile

I may bring the tears to your eyes

But when I disappear, god , you’ll wish I was here

With my

Lullaby’s legends and...

So open the bottle and pass the guitar

And look in my warm loving eyes

I’ll take you to places you aint been before

With my lullabies

Legends

And l

Lies

Where's the pause button? Surely, there must be one somewhere. Can life really be this relentless? One thing after another, day after day, after day? Where's the rewind?Where's the fast-forward? Why do we seem to have so little control over the pace and passage of time? Much though I might like to,I can't now put a particular process in the deep freeze. Nor can I speed it up or slow it down. But I do have one rather wonderful option. I can learn to live with things just the way they are, As they change, I can change. As they don't, I can accept. I can learn to be happy with things the way there are...

Do any of us really know ourselves? For a while, of course, we think we do. But then something will happen. Our circumstances will change and we will realise that there are aspects of our own personality that we never knew existed. Sometimes, we will discover talents that we never knew we had. Sometimes, we will encounter fears that we had previously been unaware of. If we can surprise ourselves, it is no wonder that others can also surprise us. I am now starting to see a certain person in a new light. Whether it proves a highly inspiring discovery I don't know!

Goldfish, we are told, have a very short memory span. That's how they can cope with being cooped up in a tiny tank. It's a nice idea but it doesn't explain why koi carp, in more natural circumstances, can find their way to and from locations many miles apart. The notion of such speedy forgetfulness is probably wishful thinking. How great it would be if only we could blot out awkward memories of the past! I am not asking for a chance to wipe the slate clean and begin again. I do, though, ask for the ability to look at what's on that slate from a different perspective.

Only in history books do new eras dawn on particular days. In reality, they gradually make their presence felt. We can point back to a drama or a crisis and say, “This was the turning point.” But at the time it is happening, there is always a degree of overlap. The past does not conveniently get out of the future's way. The old tries to mix and merge with the new. To the casual observer or even to the eye of the person with a strong vested interest, it can be hard to see whether an innovation is just a flash in the pan or a true sign of things to come. I can't decide what I really feel or think about recent intense developments. But that’s probably because a trend is not yet well established. Maybe I should give it more time.

I looked back at the years that have passed...and today...

June 9th 1988 First time I thought I fell in love
June 9th 1989 moved to a new country...not just a new school
June 9th 1993 High School Graduation
June 9th 1999 University Graduation,
Those 3 little words that say more than a picture ( I love u!)
June 9th 2000 His Graduation
June 9th 2001 Closed a big chapter of my life...end of an era perhaps

Today June 9th 2003, the UK is going to join the Euro or maybe Not, and I guess that is the only important thing that could mark this day...because I am planning to close the thought of the importance of this day!! Some things need to be erased...Some people too!

Why do we need enemies? Perhaps we don't. Perhaps it is quite sufficient merely to have a particular type of friend! Some people, through kindness or innocence, can create drama by the bucketful. They can also generate plenty of difficulty and leave us feeling extremely challenged. When we have such friends, we, may not be particularly likely to enjoy an easy life but it is less likely that we will have a lot of opponents. Aggressive conflict only tends to come to folk whose regular companions don't question them enough. There's little chance of that now! Someone in my world is taking a lot of energy and concentration. It seems like a drama that continues to intensify this week but I have a feeling its ultimate outcome will be beneficial to all. I tend to ignore it and just focus on one particular aspect at the moment that has taken over my mind at the moment...maybe I will stop planning ahead and just enjoy the day too!

Leili said something interesting today...after the trail of text messages of which I could hardly get my head around, as I was in a complete different universe today, I guess the bulk of the matter was that : "you only feel alone when you are not there for your self!"....

They say, "You can't judge a book by looking at its cover." But as a matter of fact, these days, you can. Book-jacket designers everywhere strive tirelessly to assure an instant, accurate association, between the images on the front and the words within. Books we can consider quite safe to purchase on a whim at the checkout, but we would be pretty silly to consider that people are quite so transparent. We can't judge a soul by the body it happens to be living in. We can't judge the kindness of the heart from the sharpness of the intellect. Perhaps it is wrong of me to make assumptions, perhaps I should make inquiries instead. If I don't actually ask for what I want, then when I get it and it turns out to be not quite what I was hoping for, I can blame someone else. Or, at least, I can feel entitled to reject it. This is more or less the reason why I am always so careful about expressing a preference. Plus, of course, fear of disappointment as nothing in life is more painful than rejection. Maybe a good way of avoiding the experience is to pretend that there’s nothing I want to ask for! ....Sometimes, it is better to have a gap in life than to fill the time with an unsatisfactory activity. The wrong kind of something can be a lot more harmful than the right kind of nothing! There comes a point though, where we are better off making any move than none. Even if we create a problem, we can then set about clearing that problem up. Whereas, if we just hang around waiting, it may be ages before any change occurs. I shouldn't really need to think about this...or perhaps I should? I am by nature a participant, not an observer. Oddly though, I now seem to be thinking too much about a matter that is perhaps best responded to instinctively...... I don't want to do that to myself now. I sit here and think, for a moment, about the very best thing I could possibly get...but is it available? Perhaps, I should tell myself "don't poke it. Don’t scratch it. Don’t fiddle with it in any way. Just leave it alone." ...perhaps that is the best advise I can give myself....let things happen and don't be scared...give it a chance and stop thinking of what might be!!!

There are experts all around. We only have to pick up the paper or turn on the TV. Indeed, often we need not make even that much effort. We can hear voices of consummate confidence just by listening to the friends who have an opinion about everything or the family members who know it all. How lucky we are to be surrounded by such clever characters. And what about us? Are we experts too? Do we know a thing or two? Does our own experience count for anything? Right now, my perspective doesn't seem just relevant, it seems essential, indeed. I feel I have the power to make an enormous difference. Trust myself? I guess I should.....

We all want to stay cool, calm and in control. We fancy ourselves as the strong, silent type. We want to be able to take everything in our stride. Yet happily, this is one fancy none of us can fulfil for any length of time. We have emotions. Wild, powerful, passionate urges and impulses that race through our hearts and minds. They cause endless trouble, but at least they prove that we are real human beings – not robots or Vulcans. For some strange reason, I now feel inclined to apologise for the way I feel. Perhaps I shoudn't!! I am fully entitled to the experience – and perhaps I should trust it. It is giving me a headache...you know, sometimes, when you wake up from a particularly intense dream, there's a sense of sadness. Likewise, when a good movie ends or an enjoyable book hits the final chapter. We don't want to return to reality. We are keen to prolong the fantasy. Lots of people strive to lead their whole lives in a state of delusion. They will go to almost any lengths to keep up a pretence. This is all fine during times of disappointment and deprivation. We may as well create an alternate world for ourselves if the real one is sadly lacking. But I have been dreaming for too long and right now, I seem to have an amazing, real-life opportunity. Maybe I am getting my wake-up call!? There is this voice in my head that tells me " Don't resent it – just leap up gratefully and seize what's on offer."....But the catch is...I have trouble seeing what is happening!!!

When things change in my world, they change suddenly. The build-up may be gradual but the moment of truth comes from nowhere and establishes itself at the speed of greased-lightning. The whole thing is rather like watching a balloon being blown up to the point where it finally pops. It often seems amazing how much energy or air can be absorbed. I keep thinking, something has surely got to give soon but it doesn't. And then, the point of no return is brief. What's coming up for me? Liberation! The imminent, instant end of a struggle I feared would go on forever?

Perfection is not easily attained. Indeed, there are some who might argue, that it is totally unattainable. No human being can create it. It exists only in nature. This, of course, does not stop many others from striving. Yet perhaps, we are trying for the wrong thing. Perhaps, instead of wrestling to create perfection we should be learning how to recognise and appreciate it. Perhaps we are too quick to see imperfection all around us. I may not be able to do much to improve a difficult situation but perhaps I can do plenty to alter the way I look at it!!

"All the world's a stage." said Shakespeare. But then, he was a professional dramatist. Is it really true? Are we all merely players? Or was he exaggerating? Certainly, we all play many parts. Life requires us to act out roles – especially if we are to take our responsibilities seriously. Although, while we are doing this, we do not see ourselves as pretending, this may be just because the part requires us to throw ourselves into it, body and soul. This weekend I got to see a new script in which I was cast as a very different character. Whether it proves to be highly rewarding or highly disappointing is something only time can answer!

People have a love/hate relationship with change. Some claim to want it, but resist it when it actually arrives. Others insist they are happy with everything just as it is. Secretly though, they are always planning revolutions. Change is rather like beer or blue cheese. More often than not, we must learn to like it. It grows on us slowly. Yet after a while, we develop an addiction. A return to the old way seems unthinkable. We just want more and more of the new. Bearing all this in mind, we can look at the dramas and disappointments that unfolds around us. To answer the question, "Is there a problem?"...perhaps the best fit answer would be "Only if you think there is! Only if you can't see round the next corner to the corner beyond."... The journey we embark can be the one we will never regret making! or the complete opposite...but i guess life is all about taking risks after all!

Some people insist that the word "impossible" is not in their dictionary. It IS in mine but the definition is a little different. Most people use this word to describe the reason why something cannot be done. To me, it describes the reason why other people think something cannot be done! I suppose there are many reasons why I might decide not to do something, I may conclude that a task is likely to prove unrewarding. Or dull. Or too time-consuming. But I suppose the art is not to be put off by a small matter like impossibility and it is important to make sure, that I keep my standards nice and high!

Lots of people seem to think that we are each on this earth to learn a lesson. Even i say that sometimes just to make myself feel better after disappointments...But if that's the case, where's the blackboard? And the timetable? And ought there not to be exams every so often? Maybe the lesson is that there is no lesson to learn! Maybe the point is that there is no point! Maybe we are here, not to achieve or understand anything, but simply to appreciate and enjoy the magic of it all. And maybe all we need to learn is how to be happy even when we are not quite getting what we think we want.

Is life really offering us a gift which we must learn to try and accept it gracefully? If so....can I choose my gift paper!?

it's funny how certain scenarios crop up time and time again. No matter where we go or what we do, we find ourselves experiencing the same old needs. We get hungry for food, love or excitement. We require reassurance about money, love or health. We grow desperate for sleep, love or support. Some items crop up on every list! Will there ever come a day when we can satisfy every need? Of course not! But a day when our heart feels so full that it simply has no room in it for stress? Maybe.......just maybe!

You can't put a price on a daydream. But to give you some idea of comparative value, consider this. Hollywood blockbusters can easily cost more than 100 million dollars to make. They last only a couple of hours and just cannot compete with the images you can conjure in your mind’s eye at any time. A personal vision can provide a lifetime of entertainment and distraction. It can be endlessly reshot and re-edited. It never grows old. Why be in such a hurry to get "back down to earth?"...My big idea is precious to me and, to me and indeed only to me it has a lot more resonance with reality than one might think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

People often speak about going "on a journey of self-discovery." They make it sound like a trip to the shops. "Oh, I am just setting out on a personal quest... save me some supper if I'm late back ." In reality, such expeditions last forever. The "self" is not some finite thing that you can explore like a building. The more you learn about who you really are, the more you realise how much more there is to discover. So it would be silly to think or imagine or even assume that soon I will complete an investigation no matter how close I am in taking a significant step into territory I have never encountered before. Could it be that a revelation awaits? But isn't that true about every day in life...and every step we take to go to the next day?

Is everything predestined? Are we playing out parts that were written long ago? Or do we have choice? Can our actions influence the way things turn out? Well, that's a long debate. Some time, when you and I both have a decade to spare, perhaps we can give it the concentration and discussion it deserves. Meanwhile, I don't think I would go far wrong this weekend if I work on the following principle; Whilst the future of some things may hang in the balance – and some destinies may well be subject to change – the outcome of my highest priority project now, should perhaps be a forgone conclusion... in my favour?! ....I bloody hope so!

So here you are, at the top of a diving board. Way down below you can see what you hope, is a large pool of water... Are you ready to jump? Well, if not, what are you doing up here?
I guess when you are put on the pedestal like that you suddently realise that you have picked a fine time to decide you don’t much fancy the adventure. Is it possible to shuffle back to the steps and make your way back down? Probably – but do I now really need to make such an undignified retreat?

Perhaps my doubts and misgivings are only natural....umm too many questions....too many choices....no right answer!!!!

LET ME EAT MY CAKE!!!!

Open the packet and just add water... Follow the easy instructions...Snap your fingers and hey presto!
Oh, if only it were all so simple. Sadly, even in this high-tech push-button age, some things have to take their time. Emotional processes absolutely cannot be hurried. We cannot simply force ourselves to change the way we feel. Gradually though, we can re-train our hearts and minds. I have been working for some while now on a different way to respond to some powerful triggers. I have had my tests of that new strength.Also been told by many; " Fear not, you will pass with flying colours"...but hey...I guess things in my case are just flying...transparently!!

Library shelves creak and groan under the weight of learned tomes. They contain more books than you and I could ever plough through – even if we were to make it our life’s work AND enrol on a speed-reading course. Ought we to feel uncomfortable about the amount of information we are never likely to digest?

Might there be something missing from our lives? Well, that rather depends on whether you believe that the universe is essentially complicated – or basically simple.

Right now, I can safely assume the latter. What I don't know, won't hurt me and I don't need to know. So I will just relax.

"Watch please as I swing this crystal pendulum back and forth. Fix your gaze on the stone and follow it. Back and forth. Back and forth. You are feeling sleepy. Very sleepy. When I count to three, you will descend into a deep trance. One, two, three. OK. Now tell me honestly please, what are you really trying to achieve in your current situation? Thank you. That makes a lot more sense. When I count to three again, you will wake up and remember nothing. One, two, three. Ha! "

....That might come familiar to those of us who go to fortune tellers...or I don't know those hypnothisers...( is that what they are called!)....Anyway..not matter what they tell us, after a while, we get used to things the way they are. It doesn’t much matter whether they are good or bad, pleasing or disappointing, comfortable or awkward. We just become familiar with the world we know and we start to feel a little strange about change. But of course, nothing stays the same forever. Oddly, ironically, we encounter developments that once we couldn’t wait for. Yet we are not quite sure how we feel about these. I guess the key is to hold on for a bit ...step back and look at the direction with one more glance....


We all like to think of ourselves as invincible, infallible and immortal. Perhaps, in a way, we truly are all of these things. Invincible because, though others can sometimes hurt us, they can never destroy us. Infallible, because even when we appear to have made a mistake, we may have been doing the perfect thing for reasons that have yet to become clear. Immortal because, although our bodies do not live forever, our souls are made of energy. And energy has no beginning or end. Not convinced? Well, tough.....

The devil, they say, is in the detail!!! aha... I'm not so sure myself. It's a very strange place for the Prince of Darkness to reside. Why hide there when you can walk abroad and wreak havoc in the world of general principles? You can spread plenty of paint with a broad brush and you can spread plenty of mischief with a broad-based assumption.

Can one really stir up quite as much trouble with some fiddly-widdly, petty, predicative factor?

I don't think it is the detail we need to look at...It is the big idea. Need to ask just one question, who does it benefit most?

You can walk down the same street a thousand times and think you know all it contains. Then you can make that journey once more and find it full of surprises!! This may either be because something different has happened on the road... or in your head!!Often, our attitudes and expectations trap us in a dull world where little ever alters. Most of us only ever see what we want to see so it doesn't really matter how much there is to wonder at?...We will happily ignore it if it doesn't fit in with our big idea about what's going on. Until, that is, we get a surprise that hit us so bad that as they say 'we don't know..what hit us!' ...like today... with fresh eyes, I am starting to recognise fresh possibilities.
I try hard to be sensible. I follow rules religiously. I think of the most great people I have ever met/read about/known somehow and try to emulate their example. Ultimately though, it is all in vain. The problem, you see, is that we are living in a crazy world. It’s a madhouse and the most dangerously certifiable inhabitants are the ones who purport to be sane. I am not quite sure whether to laugh or cry about a certain factor. Laugh!...perhaps then I’ll see why it's not a problem after all. Cry!...perhaps then I'll feel better about lifes surprises...lies and deceits....

Whatever I do...I will always have a problem trusting others...and I will always be asking myself Why?...because no one else would have a reasonable explanation.....do you?

Some people think that the way to win an argument is to shout as loudly as possible. Others know that the true trick is to say as little as possible. If someone is wrong then sooner or later they will trip themselves up regardless of how much or how little they are challenged. Ok...I guess I could do that...The only trouble with this gloriously effective technique is that it requires the self-discipline of a saint! Which I don't think I am... In remaining silent one risks being unfairly accused of complicity. I guess it is important not to let the passion get the better of me. I suppose if I remain quiet and polite I will yet be presented with a perfect chance to prove an important point....ummmm would I though? or can I actually be quiet...??? ( stop shacking ur head u lot!!!)

Anyway isn't it true what folks say about 'Winning is for losers'? Of course their rational is that the people who are truly cool are not interested in petty point-scoring. They understand that "to get one over" on an opponent is to short-change yourself. It is to make an unfortunate trade - to swap a temporary state of euphoria for a permanent sense of sanguinity.

All who live on Funfair Earth should remember that the swings and the roundabouts never stop. For as long as you ride them, you will be up one moment and down the next.

I guess I shouldn't see my current difficulty as a challenge to rise to but as a chance to develop a deeper understanding!

Happiness and sadness are two sides of one coin. Their relationship is as intricate and inseparable as the bond between day and night. To declare a preference for one over the other is to imply that you cannot see the hidden link. Does that mean that we must experience both in equal measures?
......Of course not. Those who love the night soon find a way to sleep throughout the day.

I guess what we need to remember is that "to desire anything too intensely brings potential for disappointment!".

Life is not a dress rehearsal. But then again, nor is it a play. We cannot expect anyone to write our lines for us. Nor should we imagine that every situation follows a pre-defined plot. And we ought to be particularly careful about taking on a role!

Shall we have an open discussion on this? I don't even know how to set that up on my blog....but if you have comments on 'Is a hand just a hand?' u can email me on Nikoog@hotmail.com....

I promise to post the responses.....as I will the conversation I had with a friend of mine tonight on this subject!!

Is a hand just a hand?

oh yes...I meant to say how my exam went today....god....I seemed to have a mental block as soon as I looked at the questions...I bluffed my way through corporate strategy...But the funny thing is that...as soon as I got in the car...I kept remembering the right answers....What? Couldn't this come to my head half an hour ealier!!!? I guess such is life!!! Yet again.....

It's a funny old thing really. We pride ourselves on our intellect yet there are millions of things our brains can never comprehend. Try, wrapping your mind around the concept of infinity......Or eternity! We can use those words but we cannot grasp their meaning. When we sit down to imagine a universe that goes on forever and ever, we just start to boggle. Likewise, when we think about time that has no beginning and no end. So, if we cannot understand such fundamental factors - basic building blocks of existence itself - how can we expect to understand anything else?
I guess sometimes our heart is talking much more sense than our heads!!! Don't u agree?

Why is it that when there's an awkward topic of conversation, people will often avoid it? They will decide not to mention a particular problem. They will step politely around the edges of a conflict or disagreement. That's very nice in one way but it can create a false sense of security – to say nothing of a very shallow dialogue! Nothing ever improves because nothing is properly discussed. Misunderstandings multiply because no exchanges are entirely honest.....well i guess that is life...ha?

Of course, if our expectations are unreasonable, they can never be met. Everyone knows that, don't they? Well, everyone may know it but that doesn’t necessarily mean it is true!!! Is it now!???? There are many myths and misconceptions that the inhabitants of this planet cling to with great faith....Many subscribe to the notion that it is best to cut your coat according to your cloth and to work within your limitations.
In conjunction with that...a close friend of mine is under the illusion that Anything is possible... in fact...she claims she has empirical evidence to prove...on the other hand i can give her empirical evidence contradictory to her believe...any how...she seems to win...once again....now my mind bares the question.....Should that last sentence read, "Anything within reason?"....or No! Perhaps she is right and I should be more ambitious?!

If a situation makes us uncomfortable, it usually seems easier to ignore it than to deal with it. We figure that if we just grit our teeth and put up with things, they will change of their own accord. Or we just decide to do our best to accept things. Often we find that we can put up with an awful lot, as long as we somehow find a way to push it to the back of our mind. Well ..I do anyway! Yet, whenever I try to kid myself about anything, I compromise the ability to recognise reality. That’s never good. Sometimes iI have to give this putting away business a break and have a look at what’s been swept under the carpet.

You know when you find life frustrating. And when dreams just don’t seem to come true, and hopes get raised, then cruelly dashed. After a while, you are suppose to grow wise or so, at least, I think. Then you start lowering your standards. Expecting less. Protecting yurself from disappointment by setting only the most modest aspirations.

But then you wake up...it is Like a rubber ball, you keep bouncing back. And hope that every so often, you score big...and hope for chance to work some very real magic.